Oct 29, 2020 4 min read

Q. Is it wrong to not want to go back to school in person? I have social anxiety and online classes help. I don’t miss seeing people at school because I don’t like interaction with others. I’m not rude, or even shy, but I just prefer being by myself. The anxiety comes when I’m forced to be in social situations.

My grades since my school went virtual are much better than ever before. I connect with my teachers online and that’s good enough for me. I feel I’m learning. Why can’t I finish high school like this? Plus, my mom is really against cyber. She won’t let me switch to it unless I have a great reason. I already told her what I just told you. Do you have any better arguments for me? Thanks,

14-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: I see this as two different challenges.

First, you sound as if online learning fits your personality well. Your grades are up and you’re connecting with your teachers. You prefer learning online. Virtual learning requires self-motivation. I’m happy to hear you are thriving academically.

Your mom is against you attending cyber school. Have you asked her why? I know you’ve told her how you feel. Have you asked her what she dislikes about cyber? Is she worried you might miss socialization if you don’t attend an in-person high school? Is she concerned about your social development? Finding out her point of view may help you reassure her.

You may also want to connect with teachers or guidance counselors at school. Having a conversation with your mom and teachers might provide a brighter picture of what you can do as an online student. Everyone learns differently and we all prefer different learning styles. Discovering you enjoy online education is a plus.

Second, I am interested in why you say you have social anxiety and then state your anxiety comes when you are forced to be in social situations. Preferring solitude is different from anxiety. Many people enjoy time alone. There’s a difference between loving solitary time and being afraid to engage socially.

Deciding to take virtual classes and spend time away from others is only a problem if your fear prevents you from social connections. Your mom may be worried about your future as well as your current social experiences.

If you are anxious, I think it would help to talk with someone about when, why and how your anxiety happens. Once again, a teacher or school counselor should be able to help you. A counselor outside of school might be helpful. Seeing a counselor does not mean something is wrong with you. Sometimes our physical bodies need care and other times our emotional self needs care.

Learning in the safety of a virtual environment is not wrong, but choosing to remain remote out of fear is an area where guidance may be needed.

What if you respectfully shared this column with your mom and asked her thoughts?

Keep in touch. I’m here to talk about this again and I am interested in your progress.

Peer Educator Response: Some of us did cyber for a while and liked it. Others of us are much happier during in-person schooling. Since COVID-19, being flexible enough to learn virtually is a plus. You’re able to adjust.

We think you will miss some friendships and fun if you stay completely online, though. A few of us had some social anxiety before we joined peer ed or started coming to the Teen Center. It’s pretty great. Being in a safe space with other teens who won’t judge you can make anxiety ease. Give us a try. At our Teen Center, you can be yourself without fear. There are no expectations. We go back to 4 to 8 p.m. Monday through Friday the first week of November at 92 N. Main Street. We’ll be waiting.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.