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Teens, adults longing for normalcy in face of the pandemic

4 min read

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Q. Our daughter is afraid to go back to school because of COVID-19.

My mom lives with us. She’s in her 80s. We’ve been extremely careful to protect gramma. My husband and I work from home, we do curbside for groceries and isolate even from our extended family. We do a lot of online connections using Zoom.

Before the holidays, our daughter didn’t mind going to school in-person, although she thrives online as well. In-person was off again, on again this year. But now the COVID-19 numbers are higher and she knows it. It doesn’t help that our family lost a dear friend to COVID-19 – whom my daughter knew very well – and several of her classmates tested positive. Some have no symptoms, but a few are really sick.

What do you think?

I’m tempted to keep her online for the rest of the year. I talked with her and she seemed relieved. She even said she wouldn’t need to worry about bringing the virus home to her gramma. I know she’ll be OK academically. Should I worry about keeping her online?

Parent of 12-year-old

Q. I’m asking you a question because you deal with teens and I respect your answers to all the other questions from teenagers you have given. Our son doesn’t want to go back to school in person. We know someone who had COVID-19 and was hospitalized. Our son is worried about going back to school for fear of getting the virus. Should I let him continue online or send him in person? He really wants to continue online.

Parent of 15-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response. I respect you both! You are listening to your young people. You are hearing their concerns and validating their needs.

I will respond to your questions together because my answers are similar. You are not alone in your concerns. I have received many emails or messages on this topic.

First, please know I have faith in your choices. No one knows a young person more than a parent. These are your babies, only growing up. You have made thousands of decisions about their well-being since they were born. This is one more.

The COVID-19/school situation is a roller coaster. Emotions are high. Young people are confused, frustrated and often frightened. Both your young people know people who have suffered because of a COVID infection.

Coronavirus is real to them. Young people know what’s happening in the world. They reflect the concerns of adults. They see and witness the loss of family friends. They are aware of COVID-19’s capriciousness in terms of its severity. They’ve experienced in-person classes, virtual classes, hybrid classes and sudden school closings and openings.

Like adults, they long for normalcy.

Living in a pandemic is not easy. It sounds as if your young people have adjusted to online learning well. Their mental health is a priority. Weigh pros and cons of in-person/online classes with them. Make your conversation open and non-judgmental. Continue to hear their concerns. If they remain online, set academic expectations together.

I am concerned about all our young people’s mental health during the last 11 months. I passionately believe our teachers will sort out academics in the future. This is not happening to one family; it is a community trauma. I focus on each young person’s fears, anxiety and possible depression.

Learning theorists teach us learning takes place when a student’s basic needs are met. Learning is less likely to take place when a student is anxious, experiencing stress, or feeling unsafe. Your young people’s desire to remain online signals a feeling of safety in that learning environment. COVID-19 will not last forever.

Most districts are flexible. You could decide to keep your young people online for now and switch to in-person if the COVID-19 numbers go down or if your young person feels safer.

Some of our kids are troubled, but they will be all right. I have complete faith in them.

Thank you for being aware, empathetic parents.

Peer Education Response: Online education is a great solution. Some of us took online courses in the past through cyber, even before COVID-19. We socialize at the Teen Center. Teens can join us online for clubs and social events. Be safe.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.

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