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The fashion struggle is real during a pandemic

4 min read

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Remember zippers?

You know them – those metal toothy things on the pants we used to wear? Those things that required us to inhale deeply in order to pull them all the way to the top, and then inhale a bit more to close the button?

Zippers have gone the way of so many other things during the pandemic. Just as 2020 robbed us of Thanksgiving and concerts and breakfasts out, the dreadful year has taken our zippers and replaced them with elastic and drawstrings.

We’ve all gone floppy during these months at home, trading the office attire of clothing with actual seams, hems, collars and lapels for a wardrobe that lives not on hangers in the closet but in wilted lumps on the floor.

As I write this I’m wearing my pandemic uniform: a light blue sweatshirt and black yoga pants, and please adjust your imagination downward. This is not a snappy outfit, a la Athleta or Lululemon; the shirt is three sizes too big and the pants have been washed so much all the oomph has gone out and one leg is four inches longer than the other. They are hideous.

But oh, so comfortable.

When I got up this morning, there the pants and the shirt were, waiting for me atop the laundry basket. Some days I switch things up, going for the red sweatshirt instead of the blue. But around here, every day is black pants day.

There are signs we’ve all reached this point of sartorial surrender. Every week, clothing websites roll out new lines of “work from home” wear, featuring garments that promise to look good on Zoom calls. For those who don’t have to get presentable even from the waist up there are about 42 billion different “lounge sets” to buy – all of them sweat pants and matching tops made of snuffly pastels. Now that February’s almost here, you can get some with hearts and cupids on them.

Today, an “influencer” popped up on my Facebook feed, uninvited, saying that every woman should have “at least one cashmere lounge set” in her wardrobe. I felt judgy toward her for being snobby until she said the next fashion trend will be “oversized pants.” Given that we’re all dealing with a bit of coronafluff, I think great big pants will be the next big thing.

I went into my favorite clothing store this week to return something. Browsing, I saw rack after rack of pendulous, droopy, slack and voluminous garments. Simple day dresses appeared to have 6-foot trains and sweaters had enormous bat wing sleeves. Striped and plaid clown pants abounded. The whole place looked like the costume department for a production of “Godspell.”

“Who would wear this stuff?” I said to myself, quietly, as I held a bright orange, bumpy sweater up to my torso.

It was styled to be worn over a floral patterned dress whose designer took the word “maxi” much too seriously; a six-foot supermodel would struggle to keep the bottom ruffle off the floor. The sweater itself was so long it could be worn as a dress. Were I to wear the two items as shown, I would look like I’d become entangled in some drapes.

Oh, but the color of that sweater – a brilliant sunset orange. Don’t think I wasn’t tempted to spring the $128 for it. It would look fabulous on screen for my Zoom meetings. And it would go well with my black pants.

I put the sweater back on the rack and left the store. This pandemic will end some day, and when it does, the first thing I buy will have a zipper.

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