Jul 1, 2021 5 min read

Q. My dog died. It’s been over two weeks and I can’t seem to get over it. I was 5 when we got him and he was pretty much my dog. I took care of him, he slept in my bed, we ran all over together. It’s my fault he’s dead. We were at a park near my house and I took him off his leash so he could run around. There’s never any cars there.

He chased a squirrel right onto the road and a car hit him. He was dead when I got to him. It just happened so fast. The driver of the car was a nice lady and she felt horrible. She put us both in her back seat and drove me home, but there wasn’t anything that could be done. My dad said I’m too old to mope around the house this long over a dog. He says I’m 14 and need to learn to be a man. I just miss my dog so bad.

– 14-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: I am so very sorry for your loss. Our pets mean a great deal to us – they are part of our families and often our best friends. Grieving over your dog’s death is normal.

You are facing more than sorrow over losing your dog. You are blaming yourself for his loss. I know my words will not be enough to take away your guilt, but I hope they will ease it a little. Dogs run fast. I’m sure you’ve had him off his leash in this park many times before. Bad things happen in life, even when we try to do the right thing. Try to forgive yourself for something you didn’t cause.

Many people struggle with how others should react to loss and how to define manhood. Your dad’s definition means you should not show your feelings. I respect your dad, but I think each person needs to deal with grief and sorrow in their own way. Mourning your dog’s death doesn’t make you any less a man or a person. Your feelings are to be respected and are worthy. You are worthy as well.

If you’re local, try to stop in at our Common Ground Teen Center (92 N. Main Street, Washington). I will give you a copy of my “Nonnie Talks about Death” book. It looks at loss and includes an unexpected death of a dog. In the book, I recommend making something to remind you of your dog. You could write something about your feelings for him or create a photo collage made of his pictures. You could hold a memory service and talk about him with your friends.

In time, your dog’s memory will give you joy. Right now, it hurts. Grief is part of life. Feeling sad is OK.

Peer Educator response: You’re supposed to feel sad when your dog dies. You had him most of your life. Two weeks isn’t a long time. Of course you loved him. You didn’t cause his death. You’re OK.

Q. My older brother wants to get a bird. I like birds too, but I think they belong in the out of doors, not in a cage. My mom said we both need to agree about the bird since we share a room. I said no and I’m not changing my mind. Now my brother is mad at me. I’m not sure I care but I do have to live with him. Any ideas? Thanks.

– 15-year-old

Mary Jo’s response: Your reason for saying no to the bird is kind and mature. I also get how your brother might feel. I think it’s time to communicate with your brother!

Are there some things you could do with your brother to enjoy the way you both like birds without putting one in a cage? You could go to an aviary and enjoy looking at the birds there. You could invest in a camera (or use a phone camera) to take pictures of birds in the wild.

You could join a group of people who use photography and binoculars to study and enjoy birds. These people are often called birders. The National Audubon Society – https://www.audubon.org – provides education on birding and support for those who want to protect birds. The American Birding Association has a mentoring group for young birders at https://www.aba.org/connect-with-other-young-birders/.

I hope your shared love for birds will bring you and your brother closer together while respecting a bird’s need to fly free. Good luck.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.