May 24, 2021 4 min read

The meeting of the Justice League of America wasn’t going well.

“Look,” said Green Lantern. “Can’t we just agree? COVID-19 has put the people of Earth in great danger!”

“Like they weren’t already,” said Martian Manhunter, shaking his head.

“Hey,” The Flash yelled. “Kill the wisecracks! You’re not even from Earth!”

“Guys, guys!” Batman said sarcastically. “Don’t start a Catwoman fight!”

“Great Hera!” said Wonder Woman. “That is a sexist remark!”

“Oh, Miss Hot Pants 2021 is heard from at last!” said Aquaman, throwing his voice into one of the goldfish in the bowl behind him.

“Who said that?” shouted Wonder Woman, leaping to her feet. She fingered the Lasso of Truth. “Don’t make me use this!”

“That’s enough!” said Superman, his cape billowing behind him. “I’m chairman! Let’s get back to business.”

“OK,” said Martian Manhunter. “But I don’t see what the big debate is over wearing a face mask. Just do it!”

“That’s easy for you to say … a mask isn’t already part of your uniform!” said The Flash. “Wearing a mask with my cowl would be … superfluous.”

“I agree,” Batman added. “And people would have an even harder time understanding my guttural utterances if I wore one. Green Lantern, I would think you’d feel the same!”

“Well, I don’t wear a cowl but – now that you mention it – I can’t breathe when I wear a face mask!”

“Oh, brother!” said Martian Manhunter. “You can use that stupid ring to breathe in outer space but not on Earth?”

“I warned you once,” The Flash said threateningly. “One more wisecrack and I’ll run you back to Mars … in a flash!” He laughed, then added,” See what I did there?”

“Gentlemen … and lady,” Green Lantern said. “Let’s look at things rationally. The CDC guidelines make sense -“

“Oh, sure!” Martian Manhunter said abruptly. “If you’re fully vaccinated, don’t wear a mask; if you aren’t, then wear one. They’re passing the buck!”

“Yes, I admit: The CDC blew it again,” said Green Lantern. “I had hoped that others in positions of authority would address the problem more rationally. But then I saw this from Pittsburgh.” He tossed a newspaper on the table.

Superman read the headline aloud: “County exec: Fully vaccinated get best seats at outdoor concerts”

“What?” Martian Manhunter shouted. “Lemme see that!” He grabbed the newspaper, skimmed the story, then hurled the paper to the floor. “Oh, that’s brilliant! Let the fully vaccinated sit closer to the stage! That won’t irritate the anti-vaxxers at all!”

“We’re talking anti-maskers, not anti-vaxxers!” said Aquaman.

“Same people!” said Martian Manhunter. “And just how are we supposed to tell who is and who isn’t vaccinated?”

“Honor system!” said Wonder Woman. “Surely all men can be trusted to take responsibility to protect not only themselves, but others!”

“Oh, right!” said The Flash. “Unless they get to sit closer to the Spin Doctors by lying! Tell me: if everyone is so honorable, then why do you carry that lasso?”

“I see your point,” Wonder Woman said, nodding dejectedly.

Green Lantern stood. “I’ve decided! I’ll wear a face mask along with my domino mask! We should all wear a face masks. The people of Earth will see us and do the same!”

“Not me!” Superman said. “A face mask makes Clark Kent’s glasses fog up!”

“No one cares about Clark Kent, Kal El,” Wonder Woman said gently.

“Especially not Lois Lane!” said Martian Manhunter, guffawing.

“I warned you!” The Flash shouted. He grabbed Martian Manhunter by the neck and vanished.

“Wait!” Green Lantern shouted after him. “You forgot your face mask!”