Oct 25, 2021 3 min read

I get it. We’re bored. Too much time on our hands. So we spend half our waking hours on Facebook. Then we get tired of being on the Facebook. So we start taking online quizzes.

Surely you’ve seen them. The latest one that caught my attention while I was on a news site was called, “Almost Nobody Has Passed This Classic Mascot Quiz.” Yes, I clicked on the headline. But I was doing research. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

This particular quiz has multiple pages, each showing the images of mascot, logos or spokespersons associated with widely known products. Underneath each picture are four possible answers. The first page shows a colorful, smiling tiger. The possible answers are: Mr. Peanut; Ronald McDonald; Tony the Tiger; and Chester Cheetah. Good grief! If you can’t pick the correct answer from these choices after being shown a picture of a tiger, you probably can’t open a box of Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes without a user’s manual. I’ll concede that someone unacquainted with jungle cats might mistake Tony the Tiger for Chester Cheetah. But if you picked Mr. Peanut, I am not gonna eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich you prepared.

A subsequent quiz page shows a picture of an unusually tall, green man wearing a tunic made of green leaves. Your choices of his identity are Big Boy; Jolly Green Giant; Lucky the Leprechaun; and the Brawny Guy. Here are a few clues to help you decide:

Leprechauns are short and, although they may be clad in green, not a single leprechaun I’ve ever seen has been depicted with green skin. The Brawny Guy sells paper towels; Big Boy hawks hamburgers. Simple choices, right? And yet, the creators of the quiz want us to believe that “almost nobody” has passed it. Why?

Because they’re trolling for pageviews. That’s because potential advertisers are more likely to buy space on a website with off-the-chart pageview numbers. But, more than that, they’re subconsciously appealing to your need to prove yourself superior to the unknown flunkies who couldn’t identify Flo from Progressive Insurance even through in her picture, she is wearing a name tag that says “FLO.”

OK. Maybe people really don’t page attention to ads, and thus can’t ID a brand’s representative. But hardcore sports fans might be tougher to fool. So let’s play “Can You Name the Sports Teams by Their Logos?”

That mean red bull snorting at us? Has to be the Cleveland Cavaliers. No, no, wait! Chicago Bulls! Nailed it! And I’ll take a wild guess and say that the man in overalls, wearing a hardhat and kicking a football while standing on an I-beam is an older version of the Pittsburgh Steelers logo.

Finally, let’s take a run at “Only REAL Baby Boomers Will Ace This Quiz, Can You?”

Question 1: Where would Baby Boomers go to watch movies?

a) On their tablet

b) At home

c) At the drive-in

d) On a rooftop

Question 2: What was the name of the game played with a friend over an empty can?

a) Rockets

b) Empties

c) Pop Ups

d) Kick the Can

Hint: The picture shows kids kicking a can.

I knew you couldn’t pass!

So, as a consolation prize, here’s my own quick quiz for you:

What are these kinds of tests called?

a) Fake News

b) Clickbait

c) Traffic Drivers

d) Time Wasters

Sorry. You’ll have to read 10 more of my columns to get the answer.