Apr 21, 2022 3 min read

Q. I read your column about the teen who was afraid to drive. I have the opposite problem. I’m a parent afraid to let my teen drive! She’s 17 and I have put off her getting her permit because the thought of her behind the wheel of a car terrifies me. I know this isn’t healthy. She’s a responsible teen. Any suggestions?

– Mom of 17-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: When my children were small, I hung a small plaque by my bed. It read Roots and Wings. It reminded me of my objectives as a parent. Letting go is challenging, but our job as parents is to prepare our children for independence, even when it’s tough.

I remember my own mother telling my father, “I know she’s a good driver. It’s the other drivers I fear.” I was a teen decades ago, so I think this parental fear connects generations.

Here are a few suggestions for facing your fear:

1. Prepare well. Make sure your teen receives solid driving instruction and defensive driving hints. Cover her with insurance.

2. Set high expectations and model them. For example, distracted driving is unsafe. Be a good example. Use Bluetooth/hands-free or set your phone to a driving message. Require your teen to do the same.

3. Arrange for a routine to provide comfort. Some parents require texting when their teen drivers arrive at their destination, others like to be told when a trip starts. Either way, stress when the texting must occur – not while driving!

4. Teach proper use of seat belts, using GPS, planning ahead to get gas, and safety in the car. My father insisted I know how to change a tire before I drove alone.

Finally, try to instill confidence. Teens follow our example and are empowered by our verbal and non-verbal messages. Have faith in your responsible teen and enjoy her independence.

Q. After reading your column about the teen who is afraid to drive because he knew someone injured in a car crash, I almost texted you right then. I talked myself out of it. Now, here I am, three days later. I’m scared, too. I’m only 15, but most of my friends are 16 and all they talk about is driving soon. It seems like such a huge responsibility.

– 15-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: I’m glad you texted. There is no magic age at which a person feels ready to drive. It is a responsibility, but one I am confident you can prepare for and achieve.

Please check out the suggestions I made to the mom in the previous question. Some of them should ease your fear. Taking a class with a competent driving instructor helps. I was thrilled when I realized the instructor had a brake on the passenger side of the car – as a parent, teaching my own new teen drivers, my car was not so equipped!

May I also suggest talking with your parents or another trusted adult. Worry shared is eased. Open up about your feelings and fear. Support makes challenges easier.

Good luck. I have faith in you.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.