Aug 18, 2022 4 min read

Q. School is starting. Most years I’m excited. Not this year. All summer I have been best friends with a wonderful person. We met at camp. We go to the same school but hardly ever talked before camp. We’re starting sixth grade. The problem is we are in very different friend groups at school. I’m quiet there, and kinda shy. I like to read and hang out with only a few friends. My summer best friend plays sports and is surrounded by people all the time. I’m afraid I will be put aside when school begins. This is keeping me awake at night. I’ve loved having a best friend for the first time. What should I do? – 12-year-old

Mary Jo Response: I’m glad you had a good friend experience this summer. I hear your anxiety. It takes courage to reach out and connect with another person. We might fear our interest will not be returned or we will be dismissed. I’m glad you found the courage to take a chance with this friendship.

When we care about someone, we can become vulnerable. When a person is vulnerable, it is easy to be hurt, emotionally or physically. You are afraid you will be put aside by your friend when school begins; this makes you vulnerable to hurt. I know this fear is hard to deal with, but I also know taking the risk to be friends with someone is worth it. Relationships are an important part of life.

At some point, you may want a relationship with someone that goes beyond friendship. Not everyone wants to marry or form a significant bond with someone, but those who do need to learn how to have a healthy relationship. The foundations of a healthy relationship are trust and communication.

What if you talk with your best friend before school starts? Share your feelings. Use “I” messages to explain. An “I” message is a way of communicating without blaming the other person or putting them on the defensive. It could be as simple as saying, “I’m worried about something. I’d like to talk about it.”

If your friendship is a healthy relationship, this should lead to an open conversation. You can be friends with someone who has different interests than you and hangs out with a different friend group. Talking about the situation before school may ease your mind.

I asked our peer educators to respond to your text because they are close to your age. If you’d like to become a peer educator or just hang out at our Common Ground Teen Center, let me know. We are at 92 N. Main St. in Washington. We’re open from 4 to 8 p.m. Monday through Friday. You could invite your friend to attend with you!

You are a unique person of worth. I hope this friendship lasts into the school year, but I want to reassure you. Even if it falters, you deserve good friends, and you will find them. It’s OK to be vulnerable. Be a good friend to others and be yourself. You are worthy just as you are.

Peer Educator Response: Talk it out. Talk about your worries and see if you can work out a solution. It’s OK to have different interests We would try to find a common ground of things both of you like. Try expressing your feelings. Don’t try to change so you fit in. There are people who will like you for you.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.