Jan 10, 2022 3 min read

A few weeks ago, my cousin Nicole texted me a photo of a tub of ricotta cheese, and followed it up with, “Guess what’s in here?”

I’m not a good guesser. When someone says, “Guess what?” I usually say, “What?” I don’t like the suspense. You want to tell me something tell me. Don’t leave me hanging.

This time, however, I knew the tub of ricotta cheese was anything but ricotta cheese. My guesses were “Soup? Meatballs? Sauce?”

I got an “LOL” crying, smiley face in response.

Then, she sent a picture of a mozzarella container. This one had clues. I saw faded words written in marker, “chicken noodle soup,” “turkey soup” and “barbecue pork tenderloin.” I could have guessed any of those things, but that was too obvious. It was, indeed, none of those things.

Nicole and her mom, my Aunt Judy, were baking Christmas cookies. Of course, you’d put chocolate chip cookies in a container marked “barbecue pork tenderloin.” Who wouldn’t?

Several months ago, I wrote a column about a strange phenomenon known as Italian Tupperware. It turns out, my people don’t use actual Tupperware. We recycle the ricotta cheese tubs, the margarine tubs and the Cool Whip containers.

At my house, it’s rare to find Cool Whip in a Cool Whip container, or ricotta cheese in a tub marked ricotta cheese. It, most likely, holds yesterday’s meatloaf, spaghetti sauce, or some sort of soup.

If you’re looking through my fridge and see a tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, you better believe it’s not butter. It’s not margarine, either. Whatever is in there, I guarantee you can’t spread it on toast.

I do have actual Tupperware. Matter of fact, if you open the cupboard above the microwave, Tupperware will pour over you, like Tribbles falling on Captain Kirk when he opened the hatch on Deep Space K-7, expecting to find Quadrotriticale. You can swim in it, like Laura Petrie riding a wave of walnuts on the “Dick Van Dyke Show.”

Side Note: I managed to secure a few prime pieces of trademarked plastic when I lived in Los Angeles. A friend invited me to a Tupperware party hosted by a Mexican drag queen named Kay Sedia (say it out loud). I bought interlocking bowls. Occasionally, I throw something in there, burp it and shove it to the back of the fridge only to throw it out two weeks later.

But I digress, like I do. The Cool Whip, ricotta cheese and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter tubs are used when you don’t want to give away your precious plastic bowls. The idea is that you use them and throw them away. We don’t, though, not until they’ve been microwaved a few hundred times and turn orange inside.

Once, I opened a container of ricotta cheese and found a square chunk of lasagna shoved inside. Technically, the tub still had ricotta in it. The cheese had completed its journey. I’m putting this in the win column.