Jul 7, 2022 4 min read

Q. First of all, I know I’m lucky to go on vacation. Not everyone gets to get away. I also love my family. It’s just that I really need a vacation to get over our vacation!

My whole family loves camping. My grandparents, my parents, my siblings, my cousins, my aunts and uncles. You get the picture. They think nothing is better than going into the middle of nowhere, pitching a tent, fishing for dinner, cooking over a campfire, and peeing in the woods.

Well, I don’t like any of that. I’ve given it plenty of tries. I try to get into it, I really do. I have allergies, so every camping trip my eyes are itchy, and my throat is scratchy, and I sneeze all the time. Yes, I do take allergy medicine and it works when I’m at home, but once I’m in the woods, my body seems to try to turn itself inside out.

It’s not just the way I feel physically. I like museums and theater. I like to see new cities and travel. I like to read. I know I can read on camping trips, but no one in my family enjoys the books I do, so I have no one to discuss them with, since my friends don’t go camping with us. Every summer since I can remember we go to the same camp site, eat the same food, sleep in the same old sleeping bags. And we stay forever (three weeks, which is forever for me).

When I have my own family, we will go to hotels for vacation!

– 17-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: I enjoyed your message and I respect your efforts at making your family happy!

I hear three things in your words: 1. You’re figuring out what you like, which is perfect for your age and very important; 2. You do love your family but spending time with them in these circumstances is not fun for you, and 3. Camping this long makes it more challenging, especially with your allergies.

Your family sounds like a lot of fun (sorry), but I get it. You’re 17 and you’ve followed their script all your life.

Have you told your family how you feel? Communication is huge. If you can’t find the words, write a note. Or show them this column in the newspaper. Ask, what if that’s me?

If you have shared what you told me with your family, did you offer any ideas for a compromise? Perhaps cutting the camping part of vacation short and going to a city where you can do the activities you enjoy would be a possibility. Would your family be willing to give a museum or the theater a try?

You mention friends. Could a friend go on your next family vacation with you? You’d have a companion with whom to discuss your favorite books. Do your friends’ families go to museums or the theater? If your parents agree and are willing to let you go, could you go on an outing with your friends?

Someday, you may have a family of your own. I’m sure you will choose a partner wisely and have shared interests. If you have children, you may be surprised. You may find yourself raising a child who wants to go camping with the rest of your family.

Accepting our children for who they are and what they enjoy is part of letting go. Perhaps your parents will understand that, and perhaps someday you will need to do the same.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.