Jul 29, 2022 4 min read

Last week in this space I whined about the leg cramps I get the nights after riding my bike too hard on hot days, and you all came through for me.

Drink water, drink pickle juice, try these pills from Amazon, stretch your legs up a wall, use a muscle roller – the suggestions arrived in my email, one after another. Every writer had experienced the agony of the charley horse and had found ways to make the pain stop.

That’s what charms me about my readers: when I whine, you reach out to try to make things better. And since that’s the way you are, I’ve decided you all might be able to help me with some other daily frustrations and irritants. So, let the whining commence:

n My crappy dishwasher only works every other time. On the off days, no matter what I tell it to do, it blinks all its lights and beeps until I turn it off at the circuit breaker box and then back on. And sometimes that doesn’t even work.

n No matter what product I use, my hair inflates into a gigantic fur Yeti the moment the atmospheric humidity inches up a micro milli-point.

n I might be the last person on the planet who still uses an iPod Nano. I can’t get it to turn off.

n Tall weeds on the other side of my back fence are blocking my view. My parents came over with clippers the length of skis, and we still couldn’t reach them. To stand on the other side of the fence to cut them would require rappelling down a cliff. And I want my view back.

n How many Junior Mints is too many to eat in one day?

n Ditto gummy worms?

n Why do my blue jeans grow all day – so much so that I have to wear a belt and then wash them after every wearing so they’ll shrink?

n My cherry tomato plant is being stingy this year, even though it’s outside in the sun all day and gets plenty of water. I get maybe two little tomatoes a week.

n Why don’t millennials like to talk on the phone?

n What’s with all the false eyelashes on young women these days?

n Why are most Netflix original movies so lazy and dull?

n Why do the country music stations play only the same four dumb songs, to the exclusion of other, better country music?

n What can I do to keep Smoothie from barking at the thunder all night? It was getting on my nerves.

n What’s with all this poison hemlock that’s around and getting people sick? I’ve lived all these years without encountering or hearing about it, and now it’s everywhere.

n Am I really as much of a nerd as my children say I am?

It’s always a happy moment to see that readers have reached out with an email. When they are offering helpful advice, it’s even more welcome.

So, have at it. You are clever, and have never steered me wrong.

The muscle rollers and the leg-cramp pills should arrive from Amazon any day now. I’ll let you know how that goes. In the meantime, reader Becky told me to keep a glass of water by my bed and take a big drink when the charley horse happens. We’ll give that a try.

So keep the advice coming. I’ll always write back.

Beth Dolinar can be reached at cootiej@aol.com.