Mar 10, 2022 5 min read

One of my goals is empowering young people to realize their self-worth. I listen to teens and honor their words. I held focus groups when I wrote each book in my Nonnie Series. The focus groups are divided as third- and fourth- graders, fifth- and sixth-graders, and seventh- and eighth-graders. At one focus group for “Nonnie Talks about Trauma,” the subject of bullying was introduced by a seventh-grader when I opened discussion about what they considered traumatic. The group consisted of six 13- to- 14-year-olds from different schools; they are identified by numbers.

Q. (from Speaker One): Isn’t bullying considered trauma? When you define trauma, I think you need to include bullying. I get picked on because I’m small and I don’t play sports. And I keep to myself. Schools should stop bullying. I’d feel a lot safer at school if they did.

Group responses: Two: Being bullied for being small is real. I’ve seen it happen. But I get called fat, so I don’t know what’s worse.

Three: Bullying happens behind teachers’ backs. It’s not the school’s fault. Like, kids don’t do it in front of teachers…

Four (interrupting Three): I don’t agree. I’ve seen kids bully other kids right in front of teachers. Like at lunch.

Five: I’ve been bullied. The best thing I’ve learned is to ignore it.

One: I think schools could do more.

Two: We have a bullying program at school.

Four: Does it help?

One: I don’t think it helps. Kids who bully other kids don’t listen to assemblies.

Three: I think we need to be responsible for stopping bullying. Ourselves. When we see it happening, we need to step up and stick up for the person even if we get made fun of.

Six: That’s called being an involved bystander. We had a bullying program at our school, and I learned that.

Two: I remember a bullying program. I was in third grade. You were involved, Mary Jo.

I explain the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program. Three of the young people remember anti-bullying activities as part of the program.

Six: Bullying is about being different. It’s easy to bully someone who looks or acts differently.

Two: Like for being fat. Or, for race.

One: Or, for being small. And kids who fail their classes. Sometimes they get mocked by teachers. My brother is in high school, and he says that’s one reason kids drop out.

Three: Or, if other kids think a person is gay. That needs to stop. LGBT kids are just as important as any other kids.

Five: I think online bullying is like mental manipulation. Kids aren’t getting shoved into lockers like you see in movies. They’re being put down on texts and apps.

Four: Honestly, I’ve dealt with snide comments which I have quickly overcome. Nobody really bothers me now, so I stick up for kids that experience bullying.

One: I experience bullying each and every day of my life. I experience it in the emotional sense more than anything. I try to ignore people who bully, but it’s hard.

Three: I witness bullying everyday as well. I am always empathetic because it makes me feel bad when I don’t do anything about it.

Five: The schools should be moderately involved in the bullying situation. But not too much where the students have no freedom. If students are bullied, they can turn the person in to the administration and the bully would be punished. There need to be consequences.

Two: Making kids aware of what would happen before it does can always teach someone a lesson! And there needs to be follow-through.

Three: I see adults who bully too.

Six: Some teachers are bullies.

Four: I agree. But most teachers are there to help you. I think we need to speak up if we see bullying or if someone bullies us.

One: I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like this.

Six: You’re not. It’s weird. We have all kinds of lockdowns to prepare us for the possible trauma of a school shooting; when bullying happens to some kids every day and not talking about it makes it worse.

Three: Can we meet to talk about this stuff again? Maybe do a book about bullying?

I explain peer education; three of the six became involved.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.