May 26, 2022 3 min read

Q. Nothing ever changes (in response to Tuesday’s shooting in Texas)

– 14-year old

Mary Jo’s response: I put aside the column I wrote this week. Traditionally, I write on Sunday and our peer educators give me their wisdom on Tuesday. I submit on Wednesday. This week’s column was about puberty. I decided it can wait.

There are at least 19 schoolchildren and one teacher dead tonight in Uvalde, Texas.

At first, I felt I had no words for the feelings coursing through my mind and heart. Then, I remembered.

After the Parkland, Fla., shooting, I trained 33 peer educators to facilitate a Let’s Talk discussion at Washington & Jefferson College with community adults. I assembled a panel of mental health professionals, faith leaders, educators, veterans, and parents to help young people deal with this tragedy. More than 120 people attended.

I then wrote the seventh book in my Nonnie Series of books for children and trusted adults – “Nonnie Talks about Trauma.” As with all my Nonnie books, I conducted focus groups prior to writing. Three groups of children met with me – a group of third and fourth graders, one of fifth and sixth graders, and a final group of seventh and eighth graders. I record the sessions and take detailed notes.

I want to share a few comments from those focus groups on trauma, held less than a month after the Parkland shooting. These responses are to my question, “How do you feel when your school has lockdown drills?”

“I try to figure out how to save my teacher if someone with a gun comes to my school.”

– Third-grader

“I get so scared my stomach hurts.” – Third-grader.

“My brother is in first grade. I think about how I can get to him and keep him safe.” – Fourth-grader

“I can’t sleep after a lockdown drill. I lay awake thinking about it all night.”

– Fourth-grader

“I worry that some of my friends don’t take it seriously. Like, what if it really happens and they don’t know what to do?” – Fifth-grader

“I try not to think about it. I also lie and tell my mom I’m not scared. I know that’s what she needs to hear.”

– Sixth-grader

“During the drills, I think about what I would do if it was real. I think about dying. I don’t like thinking about dying.” – Seventh-grader

“I wonder if I would have the courage to take down the shooter. Could I save my teacher and my classmates? Would I be brave enough?”

– Eighth-grader

Parents and trusted adults, please connect with your young people about this tragedy. Listen to hear them. Hold space. Articulate the obvious – yes, this is scary, yes, it is horrible. They need you to be there to help them share what they feel.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.