Oct 13, 2022 3 min read

Q. I wish my parents would split up like the 17-year-old’s parents in your column last week. My mom and dad hate each other. They stay together for us kids. I know divorce could be hard, but I think it would be better than living with yelling. Maybe there’s a time to admit a marriage is over and move on. Living with them is horrible. All they do is scream.

– 15-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: There are situations when divorce is a wise choice. Living in a family where tension is the norm is stressful. Staying together because separation would be difficult for children does not consider how much constant anger and yelling affects kids.

Relationships are complicated. Yes, there can be a time to admit a marriage is over and move on.

Your parents’ decisions affect you. How are you feeling? Is school going well? If you’re having trouble, please share what’s happening in your home with your school counselor or a teacher or coach. You cannot change your family, but trusted adults can offer support. If you have other family members, like a grandparent or aunt/uncle, reach out to them for some less stressful time.

Please know you are worthy, and your parents’ anger is not your fault.

Q. To the 17-year-old who wrote to you – my parents divorced when I was 12 and my dad left my life. I’m an adult now. Looking back, yes, it was hard at first, but I now realize it was the best thing. My mom became a happier person after the divorce. She was always nervous and on edge. I watched her grow into the person she wanted to be. She went back to school and became a nurse. When I was 22, she met and married my stepdad. He’s a great person. Sometimes what seems hard at the time turns out to be good.

– 30 and wiser

Mary Jo’s Response: Thank you for taking the time to respond.

When I was a child, divorce was uncommon. I knew friends whose parents struggled to remain together. Not all marriages last. When a relationship ends, if the adults are mature and respectful to each other and to their children, a new family can be birthed. Stepparents can be positive role models.

Children need one adult who loves them unconditionally and empowers their self-worth. It sounds as if your mom was that adult for you. Good for her.

Q. I appreciate your column. Last week reinforced my choice of separating was wise because I made a better life for my children. After I read your column, I sat down with my teen sons and had a great conversation. You’re correct in that they knew a lot more than I realized. They seemed to understand and were happy I brought things up. I don’t know why I was so afraid to be honest with them. All three of us feel a lot better. Thank you.

– Talk with your Kids

Mary Jo’s Response: My pleasure. Thank you for writing and offering feedback. Starting the conversation may be the toughest part. Good luck.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com/.