Sep 26, 2022 4 min read

Merry Christmas!

“What?” you say. “It’s barely fall! Allow me to put up cornstalks and ghosts and goblins before forcing me make my bushes twinkle!”

Believe me, I agree wholeheartedly. Therefore, I took satisfaction in seeing an article last week that looked at “holiday creep.” That’s the annoying practice of retailers rolling out merchandise for an upcoming holiday while the shelves are still sagging from the weight of the previous holiday’s fare. Valentine’s Day candy hearts at Giant Eagle on Jan. 2. Christmas trees at Home Depot in September. Pumpkin spice products on … does pumpkin spice every really go away?

People say we’re living in “the end times.” Maybe that’s why people want to rush the holidays. This also may be why retailers are scared to death of being behind the curve in holiday merchandising. Since retailers started tracking sales, the fourth quarter of any year could be counted on to produce the greatest percentage of sales, up to 35% in areas such as toys, games and hobbies. But with the economic downturn of 2008, many retailers sought to spread profits more evenly throughout the year, so started rolling out, say, Halloween tombstones in August. Pretty soon, other retailers thought they could get a jump on even these early birds by starting even sooner. That’s how we have Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs on shelves in January although Easter may be as late as April 25.

I worked retail for a number of years, so I understand a company’s desire to maximize profits. But that doesn’t mean that while employed, I enjoyed hanging snowflakes from the ceiling in September. Now that I’ve been out of retail for 20-plus years, I dread shopping at almost any time of the year. COVID-19 made things worse. Better put that Christmas junk out in July, so people can buy it before they die.

OK, so merchants have a valid excuse for being perpetually in a holiday frame of mind. Homeowners who start decorating three months before a holiday, though, do not.

I get it that temperatures were chilly over the weekend. But if you’ve had 10-foot tall skeletons and tombstones in your yard since late August, you’re part of the problem. I can see taking advantage of unseasonably warm weather to hang Christmas lights just after Thanksgiving. But is there any sight more pathetic than flattened Santa and “Frozen” inflatables in the yard when it’s 80 degrees in October? Yes, there is: deflated Santa and “Frozen” displays when the crocuses bloom in March.

But maybe you like to decorate; maybe you’re just lazy. That’s why, years ago, I suggested a compromise for people who start putting Christmas decorations in the yard without taking down the Halloween stuff: leave all your decorations up all year. I still think it’s a great idea.

Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer could be one of the animals in a Nativity scene, along with a few Easter bunnies. Perhaps the Magi could arrive by sleigh, bringing along a pal carrying a fourth gift for baby Jesus: gold, frankincense, myrrh and .. a jack-o’-lantern! A pulsing red Valentine’s Day heart could be the Star of Bethlehem – so what if a few Halloween bats flap around it? An illuminated American flag covers both Memorial Day and July 4 and suggests that Jesus might have been from Kansas; throw in a few pilgrims carrying sledge hammers and wearing hardhats, and you’ve covered Labor Day. Voila! A perpetual holiday display! I call it Easthallowgivingmas.

The Hallmark cards for it have been on the shelves since April.