Apr 24, 2023 3 min read

Perhaps you haven’t been paying attention to real news this year. And who could blame you? After all, the Pittsburgh Pirates just may be World Series bound! But temporarily redirect your excitement, Buccos fans! It’s time for my first news quiz of spring!

1. Self-described “Chief Twit” Elon Musk made more headlines last week. How?

a) Musk’s unmanned SpaceX Starship – the most powerful rocket ever built – exploded 4 minutes after liftoff.

b) Twitter, the social media platform Musk bought in 2022, exploded when too many users posted relevant content at the same time.

c) The price of shares in Tesla, the electric car company that Musk joined in 2004, imploded after Musk announced that 2024 models would each be powered only by AA batteries.

2. My Pillow CEO Mike Lindell may not be sleeping well after news about his company broke last week. What was it?

a) Investigators discovered that the My Pillow is filled not with chunks of foam but with shredded 2020 presidential election ballots cast for Joe Biden.

b) An arbitration panel ordered Lindell to pay $5 million to a cyber expert who proved that data assembled by Lindell – data which purportedly proved interference in voting for the 2020 U.S. presidential election – was not related to the election in any way.

c) A test model of My Pillow’s new SleepX Dreamship model exploded at launch.

3. Joasia Zakrzewski, a Scottish ultra-marathon runner, was disqualified after placing third in an April 7 race from Manchester to Liverpool in the U.K. Why?

a) Zakrzewski ran the race facing backwards, sticking out her tongue and taunting other runners the entire time.

b) Zakrzewski played the bagpipes while running, which judges said was an impressive feat of breath control but was really, really annoying.

c) Judges discovered that Zakrzewski had covered about 2.5 miles of the 50-mile route by riding in a car. She later said “jet lag” was to blame.

4. Those who used Facebook between May 2007 and December 2022 may now apply for a share of a $725 million settlement to a class-action lawsuit filed against the social media platform. What did that lawsuit allege?

a) That Facebook has no “community standards” but instead uses the rules from the Our Gang comedies’ “He-Man Woman-Haters Club.”

b) That Facebook allowed Cambridge Analytica, a now-defunct British political consulting firm used by the 2016 Donald Trump presidential campaign, to access the personal information of about 87 million users.

c) That Facebook’s platform is powered by coding stolen from the video game “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Hyperstone Heist.”

5. Using that latest AI technology, Sasquatch aficionados have stabilized shaky, grainy film footage, taken in 1967, that shows a lumbering, furry creature now commonly call “Bigfoot” walking through woods in California. What did the enhanced footage reveal?

a) That the creature is most likely someone wearing a gorilla suit.

b) That “Bigfoot” is actually the cameraman’s thumb in front of the lens.

c) That the creature captured on film was actually Canned Heat singer Bob “The Bear” Hite, on his way home from the Monterey Pop music festival.

6. Fashionistas have spotted a New York TV personality wearing something that they think might be a new trend in men’s clothing. What was it?

a) A vested, pinstriped suit with extremely wide lapels.

b) Lavender-colored tights paired with a black linen short-suit and chunky sandals.

c) My Pillow boxes, repurposed as shoes.