Apr 27, 2023 3 min read

Q. I didn’t go to prom. I didn’t get asked and I knew friends that went as a group but that’s not me. I wanted a date to ask me. I wanted to get all dressed up like in the movies and that didn’t happen. I thought I was a strong, independent woman but I feel like a cliché.

I pretend I don’t care but I do. My mom keeps asking me if I’m OK and I keep saying I’m fine, but I’m not. I usually can talk with her, but this I’m keeping to myself.

I guess there’s always senior year, but, in my head, this was my prom. I always thought I would go to prom as a junior. It was a big deal to me.

– 16-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: I have two responses for you.

First, your feelings are valid. You expected something to happen, and it didn’t go as planned. You can be a strong, independent woman and still want to dress up, be asked to prom, and have fun. Going with friends is more common now than when I was a teen, but doing what feels right for you isn’t cliché; it’s your choice.

Pretending things are great when they’re not isn’t healthy in the long run, though. Teens at our Teen Center laugh when I say “fine” is a four-letter F word, but it’s a word many young people hide behind. Tell your mom how you feel. You are worthy of her support. Sharing your feelings doesn’t make you weak; it makes you wise.

Second, as soon as I read your text, I sought wisdom from our peer educator alumni. They are close enough to your age to remember similar feelings, but far enough from high school to have perspective. Their response is wise.

Thank you for reaching out. May your senior year bring you joy.

Peer Educator Alumni Response: We get how you feel. Some of us went to prom our junior year and some did not.

Those who went to prom want to tell you that going is not that big a deal. When you are out of high school, you find new friends, new interests, and new perspectives. Prom isn’t all that important anymore.

Those who didn’t go to junior prom say those of us who went are both right and wrong. We understand you’re hurt. We were, too. No matter how sad we were at the time, though, it passes. There’s more to life than prom. Honest, it gets better.

One of us refused to go to prom on principle. She wants to tell you it was a great decision. She got together with a bunch of friends, they went to Pittsburgh and saw a movie, had dinner at a nice restaurant, and then hung out at one of their houses. This was before COVID, so no one worried about much of anything.

We all want you to know there is life after high school (you always told us that, Mary Jo). Next year, if you want to go to prom, ask someone. Or go with friends, even if it’s not the prom you imagined. And we think you’re strong!

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.