Jul 20, 2023 4 min read

Q. Can you help me decide what to take with me to college? I leave in two weeks because I have a football scholarship. It’s my first year. I’m doing this on my own. My mom and stepdad kicked me out when I came out to them. They say I’m not their son anymore. I’m 18, I have my own car, which I pay for, and my grandparents helped me get it. I work three jobs. I have scholarships to get me through school. I’m not really surprised this happened. They never hid their feelings about being gay, that’s why I waited to tell them until now. Please don’t suggest I reconcile with them. I’ve lived with their hateful words all my life. A part of me was relieved when they told me to leave. I’m staying with friends until school starts, and my friends’ parents are wonderful. They’ll be taking me to school. My grandparents live in the same state as my college, which is why I selected it. They’re 100% supportive. I will be able to see them often. They’re my family now. They are angry at my mom. I’ve decided to let them figure that out. So, what should I pack?

– 18-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: You are a person of great worth.

Our parents are our first source of support and comfort. I am very sorry your parents no longer provide support for you. Please remember you are worthy. It seems you are handling the major life change of moving to college with courage and maturity. I suggest you connect with your college’s counseling department as soon as possible and arrange for someone you can talk with about this challenging situation.

Talking with someone in the time before you leave may sound daunting, but I strongly recommend it. You are facing rejection from the people who should love and accept you. Counseling doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, it simply provides support and a place to process feelings.

In the Pittsburgh area, the Persad Center provides mental health services for LGBTQ individuals. Connect at https://www.persadcenter.org/.

If you’re local to the Washington County area, a wonderful organization is right here in the neighborhood. The Washington County Gay Straight Alliance provides group support, social events, and caring allies/mentors for young people like you. Please connect with them at https://wcgsa.org/

If you like, you can connect online with a group like The Trevor Project. The Trevor Project’s mission is to end suicide among LGBTQ young people. While you do not express feelings of depression, I want very much for you to have people to talk with who accept you. You can reach The Trevor Project at https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

I’m glad you have your grandparents and your friends. Planning to attend college near your grandparents was a wise and thoughtful move.

We are born into our families; throughout our lives, if we’re lucky, we create our own families as well. You sound as if you’ve made a strong family of friends and your grandparents. Good for you.

I found a wonderful site listing tips for college packing: https://bigfuture.collegeboard.org/plan-for-college/after-youve-applied/off-to-college-checklist. I think it will cover all you need. May I suggest your friend’s parents help you sort things out?

I know your question was about how to pack for college, but I am grateful you reached out to me so I can provide support.

Finding out who we are is a major part of adolescence. Be proud of you. I certainly am. May all go well. Feel free to stay in touch.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.