Sep 21, 2023 4 min read

Q. My mom doesn’t get how stressed I am. I feel like something is demanded of me every minute of every day. I work two jobs. I like them, I do, but going to work at a fast-food place after a full day of school is a lot. My off nights, I watch my little brother so my mom can go to work. Then on the weekend I help my uncle clean houses. My grades are good, I’m afraid they’re not good enough to get into college though. I know classmates who have 4.5s! I have a solid 4, I play basketball and my mom makes me go to our church youth group, but I worry I don’t have enough activities for a good resume. I’ve got to go to college. I could have done better on my SATs, and I want to take them again. My mom was young when she had me and she’s always reminding me how much better my life is than hers when she was my age. My uncle says I don’t need a college degree because he doesn’t have one and he does okay. I want a degree for me. I’m just frustrated. It’s as if my mom and uncle are undermining my dreams. It hurts to hear the people you love tell you that you won’t be able to make it. It feels like adults think it’s easy to be a teen. It’s not.

– 17-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: Thank you for sharing. It sounds as if these feelings have built up for a long time. When a young person sends me texts like yours, I know they need someone to listen. I am here.

I agree with you. It’s not easy to be a teen. For you, the stress of school and anxiety about college are compounded by work and watching your little brother. I’m sure it feels as if you have no time for yourself.

Stress is real. I’d like us to focus on two areas: trying to ease your stress and coping with it.

Acknowledging your feelings is a good first step. Communicating your stress to the adults in your life might help. They may not know how you feel. Have you tried an honest conversation with your mom or your uncle? You could show them this column as a start.

Who are your other trusted adults? Is there a teacher or guidance counselor or coach at school with whom you connect? Maybe your manager at the fast-food restaurant? You mention your church youth group – is there an adult leader at the group who will help you sort out your feelings of stress?

Your chances of acceptance at a college are very good. Your academic records are excellent and your resume solid. You show responsibility and resilience. Some colleges are not even considering SAT scores for admission. Your school guidance counselor can help you select the right school. You say you want to obtain a college degree for you. I support you 100%. Your dreams are valid and within reach.

Taking steps to ease stress is important, but learning how to cope with it is a life skill. What relaxes you? I learned how to do mindful meditation as a young peds oncology nurse and the skill has helped me all my life. There are apps that walk you through breathing exercises and visualization. Once more, seeking the guidance of a trusted adult will help.

Our Common Ground Teen Center is open Monday through Friday from 4 to 8 p.m. We are located at 92 N. Main St. in Washington. Perhaps your mom or uncle will help you find time to hang out with other teens. We have many clubs and activities – my favorite is Cooking Club on Thursdays. I know you’re busy, but carving out time for yourself might help.

I wish you joy and success. You are worthy of both.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.