Jul 1, 2024 3 min read

Like many of us, I spend countless long, sleepless nights wondering who built the pyramids in Egypt. And the pyramids in Mexico. And Peru. And Sudan, Iraq, Guatemala and Italy. It’s debilitating.

So imagine my distress after I read that strange monoliths of uncertain origin have been found recently – one near Las Vegas, another outside Fort Collins, Colo. These structures all were tall, usually rectangular objects that evoke the eerie black upright slab that made apes act like humans in Stanley Kubrick’s 1968 film “2001: A Space Odyssey.”

The monolith found about two weeks ago in a barren stretch of Nevada desert stood slightly more than six-and-a-half feet tall and measured 33 inches wide on each of its four sides, which were mirrored. I mention this object in the past tense because not long after it was discovered, it disappeared, according to media coverage, “mysteriously.” This invited wild speculation from everyone, including those who postulated that perhaps the two “men” who appeared in Thursday night’s presidential debates might actually be the aliens who erected the monoliths. (Cue spooky “Twilight Zone” music.)

But it turns out that Las Vegas Metropolitan Police had assisted Desert National Wildlife Refuge crews in removing the monolith because they feared that tourists and E.T. hunters looking for it would cause environmental damage to the site. Sure … removed by police. (Cue even spookier “Outer Limits”-type music.)

But on June 27, another monolith popped up in Colorado! This was discovered in the middle of a field on a dairy farm, whose owners said they don’t know when or how it got there. So far nearby cows have not developed human characteristics, but it has been rumored that the name “Bossy” is being floated as a replacement for Joe Biden on the Democratic ticket.

These new monolith sightings shook me, it’s true. But even more worrying is that their discovery continues a pattern that began during the COVID-19 pandemic, when several other monoliths were discovered around the world. The first of these was found in November 2020 in a remote section of Utah’s red rocks. It disappeared – you guessed it – “mysteriously.” Or did the government take it to hide alien technology?

Shortly after, another monolith was discovered in Romania, near the site of an ancient fortress. This structure was slightly more than 12 feet tall, had a design on its reflective, aluminum-like skin and appeared to be hollow when tapped on. It disappeared. Yes, “mysteriously.”

The last of the pandemic monoliths was discovered in December 2020 on Pine Mountain Trail, halfway between San Francisco and Los Angeles. This one stood for about a week, then also disappeared. But not “mysteriously.” Video posted online showed a group of men removing as they danced and chanted slogans, including “America First!”

Maybe they’re planning to run it for president.

Cue spooky “Star Spangled Banner.”