Feb 9, 2024 3 min read

Q. How do I make new friends? My old friends are useless. They’re all in cliques and they make fun of everybody. I don’t like that. I think if I stop hanging out with them, they’ll make fun of me too. But they’ve been my friends since elementary school. I don’t want to be like them, and I think I will become like them if I stay with them. How can I start over with better friends? – 13-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: What an outstanding question and a wonderful point of view! Deciding how you want to treat other people shows empathy, kindness, and respect. Good for you. It takes courage to seek a new group of friends. I’m impressed.

You may be surprised to hear this situation happens later in life as well. People change. Selecting friends who share your philosophies is important. We do become like our friends in ways. You’re wise to realize continuing to hang out with them will make it easier to be like them.

Making friends is a skill. It involves caring about others, listening to what other people say, paying attention to what people like and finding common ground. Friendship is a relationship; like all relationships, a friendship can be healthy or unhealthy. In a healthy friendship, both people are concerned about the other’s needs. Mutual respect and trust are foundations of a healthy friendship, as are honesty and kindness.

There’s an old saying that rings of truth – to have a friend, be one.

Middle school is a time of great change. Find other people who think as you do and get to know them. Join clubs, play sports, get involved, maybe even run for student government. Enjoy this time in your life!

If you’re local, I’d like to invite you to our Common Ground Teen Center. We are located at 92 N. Main St. in Washington; we are open Monday through Friday from 4 to 8 p.m. I promise you there are other young people at the center who will make excellent friends. I hire teens to run the center and teens sit on our Executive Board. We have great clubs – Cooking Club, Art Club, Chess Club and Anime Club are just a few.

I asked one of our peer educators to offer a teen’s perspective on your question. Good luck. I think you’ll be a wonderful friend.

Peer Educator Response (17-year-old): I always had a fear of losing my friends. One day, that fear became a reality. Sometimes you need to end up alone to start a new journey. Is there an after-school program at your school? Attend it and strike up a conversation with someone. Find someone who sits alone at lunch or recess. When you are paired with a partner in class for a project or activity, try talking with them. Befriend the new kid or observe who looks left out or needs assistance. You won’t be friendless forever if you make this choice. Do the right thing.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.