May 9, 2024 4 min read

Q. I can’t believe this is happening to me. I had you in high school and I didn’t know anyone else who might understand, although I don’t deserve any sympathy. I’m supposed to graduate college in a few weeks and I’m not going to walk with my class. My QPA is good, but I totally blew off my practicum. I blamed it on my advisor not connecting with me for over a month. Last night, the reality of my denial hit me. I did this. I procrastinated; I didn’t communicate with him. Yes, he wasn’t exactly a nurturing professor, but there are other professors I could have approached for help. Now it’s too late. I have another problem. I haven’t told my family yet. My mom and dad took off two days of work to drive out here and my gram is coming with them. How do I tell them? They love me so much. I can’t believe I didn’t tell them until now. I can’t believe how much I’ve messed up my life. I know I could’ve done this. Why didn’t I? – 21-year-old

Mary Jo’s Response: I hear your pain. It feels like this is the worst thing that could have happened to you. I hold space with your sadness and confusion. Holding space means I’m here for you and I’m glad you shared.

I also will not give you sympathy. Sympathy is pity, and I do not believe you’re pitiful. I certainly feel empathy for what’s happening. This is not the way you planned your college career ending. I feel for you. I also have faith in you. I have hope. Let me explain why.

You’ve completed four years at an excellent college with a good QPA – that shows determination, intelligence, and grit. You stumbled during your last semester. Most people who are successful face failures along the way. What matters isn’t what went wrong as much as the way they decided to bounce back and learn from their mistakes.

I see three important steps ahead.

You mention professors you could have approached for help. Go to them now. It may be too late to make up the work on your practicum and you may need to repeat it another semester, but you will have opened the door to support from educators you trust. Be honest. Share what you told me.

Connect with your family. Again, be honest. It’s probably easiest to talk with one family member first; that person can pave the way for communication with the whole family. Will they be disappointed? Sure, but family loves us when we fail and when we succeed. Waiting to tell them on graduation weekend is mean. Do it now. Take a big breath and center yourself. Prepare to tell them your story and assure them of your determination to make this work.

Finally, some self-reflection will help guide you. Your life is not messed up, but you should try to figure out why you procrastinated. If your grades are good, your inability to follow through may be connected to the practicum. When I studied for my doctorate, there were 10 doctoral students in my cohort, but only four of us completed our dissertations. We weren’t any more intelligent than those who did not finish, but we had a common trait. Tenacity. We were stubborn enough to keep going when things got difficult.

Yes, my friend, this isn’t what you planned, but your life is ahead of you. How you handle this failure will say a great deal about your character. Talk with professors you trust, share with your family, and make a solid plan for repeating this practicum.

You will graduate in time.

Believe in you. You are a person of great worth. Be sad and disappointed now and then embrace the changes you need to make so you can bring this practicum to fruition. Good luck.

Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.