Jan 22, 2024 3 min read

I have a cold. It’s a mildly inconvenient one. I have not reached the “I hab a colb” stage. I can either breathe out of my left nostril or my right nostril, but not both. At the first sign of a sniffle, a friend yelled, “It’s COVID!” It’s not. I had trouble reading the results of the test, but I’m positive I’m negative.

Side note: Whenever you hear a cough, it’s followed up by, “It’s not COVID.” It’s become the mantra of the chronic cougher. One tickle in your throat and friends, family and coworkers are ready to exile you into oblivion.

But I digress, like I do. Some things are mildly inconvenient. Not enough to ruin my day, just enough to annoy me for a few seconds.

Years ago, I bought Biggie Fries at Wendy’s. I had one of those little paper packets of pepper (say it three times fast) and I ripped it open and there was no pepper in it. Somehow, the packet at the pepper plant went through the assembly line without getting packed with pepper. The solution was simple. I grabbed another packet of pepper (noun) and peppered (verb) my fries.

P.S. It’s not weird to put pepper on fries.

While traveling through Ohio, which is already mildly inconvenient, I was listening to the Bangles sing “Walk Like an Egyptian,” and the GPS interrupted the song at my favorite part, “All the cops at the donut shop, they sing and dance (Oh-way-oh)!” Instead, I heard, “At the traffic lights, turn right.”

When I bend down to pick something up off the floor, an involuntary grunt flies out of my mouth. I dropped that little flag that sticks out of a Hershey’s kiss. When I picked it up, I moaned like Methuselah.

There’s a long list of mild inconveniences that center on my socks:

My toe pokes out of an old, well-worn sock.

My underwear or socks lose their elasticity (My brother Brian dubbed these socks “Quitters”).

When I pull laundry out of the dryer, one of my socks goes missing (it’s a classic sock scenario).

At a public restroom, I ran my hands under the faucet and the sensor didn’t acknowledge my presence. I went to the next sink and had the same problem. I stood there watching other people wash their hands and thought, “I’m a ghost.” Finally, I maneuvered my hands into the right position and the water sprayed out, proving (I hope) that I am not a ghost.

One inconvenience that borders on annoying is when you’re at the self-checkout and the UPC code won’t scan. I’ll try to straighten the package and scan it. I’ll try to sneak up on the scanner. I’ll go in sideways. Nothing.

Last night, I pulled my Sonicare from the charger and realized the charge didn’t take. It still worked as a toothbrush, but I missed the vibrating bristles buzzing around in my mouth.

Remember to keep your mild inconveniences on the mild side.