Mar 28, 2015 2 min read

Q. My husband and I are successful professionals with no children. Our mothers are both well off and have been generous to our siblings, who, for various reasons, have needed a lot of help. My husband and I tender free professional and some financial assistance to both sides of our families.

My mother-in-law takes opportunities to show her appreciation by paying for meals or offering to reimburse costs. She is a delight, and we see her often. My mother, however, is the opposite – always a guest, never offering to reimburse costs or pay a share. She has even invited us and others to events and then stuck us with the bill. My husband does not complain, but I am ashamed of her stinginess. Subconsciously, we do not seek out my mother, and our visits are becoming rare.

Both mothers are up in years, and I do not expect any changes. Writing to you is therapeutic, although if you have any suggestions, I’d be happy to hear them. – Anonymous

A.One of the things our column does best is allow people to vent. Our only suggestion is to accept your mother as she is. In some families, it would be unthinkable for a senior parent to reimburse financially successful children. (Of course, too often, the reverse is true.) Your mother may not realize that these are your expectations, so it doesn’t occur to her that you would be anything less than generous. You don’t have to admire this part of her character, but she is still your mother, and she isn’t getting any younger. Please make a conscious effort to be with her when all you are spending is your time. You’ll be less resentful, and in years to come, you’ll be glad you had these moments together.

Email questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.ne