Dec 16, 2012 5 min read

Dear Annie: I have been close friends with “Luke” for more than a year. We have a strong bond, but it’s strictly platonic. However, all that changed when he started dating “Lacey,” who, at age 20, is 10 years younger than Luke.

Naturally, when I first met Lacey, I was friendly. But there was something about her that put me off. Almost as soon as Luke started seeing her, she got him into partying all night and doing hard drugs and began alienating him from his friends and family. Despite our efforts to tell him that he was heading down a dark path, he ended up getting fired. Then he stopped contacting me.

After I hadn’t heard from him for two months, Luke called and said he missed our friendship and wanted to talk things out. He sounded like a broken man. I was thrilled that he was coming around. But shortly after he called, I got a nasty text from Lacey demanding that I stop speaking to Luke and saying he’s her man and she doesn’t want any other woman around him. I was startled and angered by her rudeness and told her that Luke is my friend and I have every right to talk to him. I told her to calm down and grow up.

I haven’t heard from Luke since, and I am worried. I tried calling, but his cellphone number has been disconnected. A mutual friend said that Luke’s email account also was canceled. I have a feeling that Lacey is forcing him to cut ties with us and be totally dependent on her.

It’s out of character for him to abandon all the people who mean so much to him. He reads your column, and I can only hope that he can get away from this woman and know we are still here for him. – Worried Friend in Canada

Dear Canada: Lacey is isolating Luke from friends and family, which is descriptive of an abusive relationship, and it doesn’t help that he is using drugs. The sad part, however, is that there’s not much you can do if he is unwilling to seek help. Do you know where he lives? Is he in touch with any family members? If you can reach him, please give him the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) at 800-799-SAFE.

Dear Annie: I was taught the bride and groom had one year to send a handwritten thank-you note following a wedding. Shower gifts are to be acknowledged within two weeks of the bridal shower.

In the past two years, however, the closest I’ve gotten is a postcard with a wedding picture of the bride and groom on one side and “Thanks for everything” on the other. If a handwritten, proper thank-you note is too difficult, I would much prefer an email acknowledging my specific gift than a bulk mail postcard. – Appalled in Georgia

Dear Georgia: There is no excuse for not decently thanking those who have taken the time and effort to purchase a gift. It’s sheer laziness and lack of consideration.

However, we’d like to correct a common misperception: Guests have a year in which to give the bridal couple a gift, but thank-you notes should be written immediately, and certainly within three months.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “We Are There and It Hurts,” the parents of an adult daughter who is grossly overweight. It’s possible she has binge eating disorder. If so, dieting may not help. She needs therapy with someone trained in the treatment of eating disorders.

Please tell this couple to go to the National Eating Disorders Association website (nationaleatingdisorders.org) or call the NEDA Helpline at 1-800-931-2237. It may be the best thing they could ever do for their daughter. – Been There

Dear Been: Thank you. Binge eating is a psychiatric disorder characterized by loss of control of the amount of eating, distress over binge episodes, and episodes that occur at least three times a week for three months or longer. It usually involves eating more rapidly than normal, eating until uncomfortably full and/or when not hungry, eating alone due to embarrassment, and feeling disgusted with oneself, depressed or guilty after. Other resources are the Binge Eating Disorder Association (bedaonline.com) and the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders at anad.org.

Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net.