Oct 16, 2013 2 min read

Q. I’m 76 years old, and my 55-year college reunion is coming up soon. I’m not sure I should attend.

At every reunion, “he” is always there. We had a beautiful senior year and were very much in love. I expected a ring for graduation, but it never happened. After graduation, we moved apart and met up during the summer, sharing fall weekends attending football games with friends. After the last game, I felt a change. He never called or wrote. Through a mutual friend, I heard that he got back together with an ex-girlfriend and married.

We had the right love, but the timing was bad. I receive a Christmas card and note from him every year. At every reunion, I want to be friendly and neutral, but I end up with my composure gone. I act like a spoiled teen, and he gets a chip on his shoulder.

Now I want to go to say thanks for all we shared. I have had a great life. I never married, but my life has been full with a wonderful career, loyal friends, loving family, travel and entertaining. My years of fantasizing about my ex-boyfriend were over long ago.

We may never see each other again, and I don’t want my life to end with this bitter feeling. So, should I drop him a note and say, “I’d love to see you and your wife at the reunion”? What do you say? – A Very Ex College Girl

A. Since he attends every reunion, you don’t need to send him a note in advance, giving him the impression that his presence is the main reason you would be there. He may already think this. Don’t reinforce it. More importantly, are you certain you can behave in a friendly, neutral manner? Neither your track record nor your letter is convincing. If you attend, we suggest you practice what you plan to say in advance so you don’t end up ad-libbing something you regret. Socialize with others as much as possible. If that doesn’t work, you can always send him a note with your annual Christmas card, telling him what you want him to know.

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