Getting teens to behave a challenge
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Our teens are not always ethical. About 51 percent of high school students admitted to cheating on exams, 55 percent lied to a teacher about something significant, and 20 percent stole something from a school in the past year.
However, there is some good news from this survey of 22,000 high school students conducted by the Josephson Institute in 2012. The above statistics represent a reversal of a several-year trend of reported unethical behavior by students.
As with adults, our kids’ actions aren’t always consistent with their aspirations. Ninety-eight percent of teens report that trust and honesty are essential in relationships. The problem is how to get kids to behave the way they believe.
Youngsters generally learn ethics by imitating their parents’ behavior and 85 percent of kids indicate that “most adults in my life consistently set a good example of ethics and character.” This represents both a burden and an opportunity for parents.
While we can always do better in leading moral lives, how do we handle situations when your child observes you doing something wrong?
Our kids know that sometimes we lie and cheat. We do our best, but sometimes we just mess up. Admit ethical lapses to your child. Talk about what you were thinking and how you could avoid making similar mistakes in the future. Don’t make up pseudo excuses to explain bad behavior.
In violation of league rules, a dad played his star basketball player an extra quarter in a close game. When asked about this later by his son, the father said that he forgot about the rule. About a month later, the dad had a conversation with his son and apologized for cheating during the game and then lying about what he did.
Many parents would be uneasy with this dad’s response, feeling such honesty would diminish this boy’s feelings for his dad. In fact, it accomplished just the opposite. I heard this story from this youngster who was explaining to me why he had “the best dad in the entire world.” He remembered little about the sixth-grade basketball game, but he admired his dad for admitting he had done something wrong.
As we strive to be role models of ethical behavior, kids learn a great deal when they see us in a very human way – trying hard, admitting our mistakes, and working to do better.
Dr. Gregory Ramey is a child psychologist at Dayton Children’s Hospital.