Nov 3, 2014 4 min read

Q. When I was a teenager I gave up a child for adoption. Eighteen years later, “Doris” came looking for me, and we formed a very cordial relationship. By then, I was married and had three other children. Doris was also married, with children, and she and I visited often. I attended funerals, weddings, births, birthdays, dance recitals and holiday gatherings with her family for some 25 years.

When my husband died and Doris divorced, things changed, and I don’t know why. She became distant. When she eventually remarried, I was happy for her. But when I married again six years after my husband died, she agreed to be in the wedding and then told me neither she nor her children would attend.

Apparently, she had a disagreement with my daughter and couldn’t apologize. It has been three years, and there has been no attempt on either side to reconcile. Doris repeatedly told me not to contact her or her children, so I haven’t. Her children want nothing to do with me, and I was not invited to her oldest child’s wedding.

Doris is a troubled woman and lies constantly. I suspect she has told her children – my grandchildren – all kinds of untrue things about our estrangement. She lied to her adoptive mother that I hadn’t invited her to my wedding, and when I said I had her message recorded on my answering machine, she went ballistic.

She seems sociopathic to me. Is this genetic or environmental? She has been in counseling since childhood and admits to manipulating the counselors. I’m not sure what to do. – Confused

A. We wouldn’t attempt to diagnose Doris. It simply seems that whatever argument she had with your daughter precipitated a more complicated estrangement. You can try to get to the bottom of it, but you’d have to be very gentle and patient, and we cannot promise results. Frankly, we are surprised you had 25 good years. Many adoptee reunions don’t work out nearly so well.

Q. I have a problem with being kept waiting in doctors’ offices. I am paid by the hour, and if I have to wait too long for the appointment, my pay is docked.

I try to schedule appointments with my primary care physician for first thing in the morning or at the end of the day. But several times in the past year, I have been kept waiting beyond what I believe is reasonable. Once I sat there for nearly two hours. Another time, I was kept waiting for 45 minutes to have blood drawn – a 10-minute procedure. When I ask the receptionist for an update, I’m given an evasive answer. I have filed complaints with my HMO health insurance company to no avail.

I have considered changing primary care doctors, but I am afraid it will just be the same somewhere else. How do I find a physician in my area who does not keep people waiting? – California Patient

A. There is no reason a primary care physician needs to make you wait two hours for a standard appointment. First ask your friends and family for referrals, and “interview” the physicians to ask how long the average wait time is. Also check to see whether any of them keep evening or weekend hours. Then tell your doctor why you are leaving his practice.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Glad We Didn’t Wait.” My situation with my 92-year-old mother was similar. The boxes under her bed were filled with old photos with no names or dates. Mom suggested we make cards out of them and send them to younger family members and friends who might recognize a face or two. So we did.

We received responses from several, but even those who didn’t recognize anyone enjoyed the cards as they were. All was not lost! — Identified A Few

Dear Annie: I think it’s wonderful that “Sugar Mama” has planned for her retirement. My husband and I have some simple advice: “Spend your children’s inheritance.” If the kids aren’t expecting money, they will stand on their own two feet. If you decide (as my mom did) to help the grandchildren, it is a delightful surprise, and you reap the thanks while you can enjoy it.

“Sugar” should go on that cruise and be generous with her friend. If her daughter doesn’t like it, she will have to live with her own disappointment while Mom is having a wonderful life, well earned – West Virginia

Email questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254