Nov 7, 2014 3 min read

Q. My 42-year-old granddaughter is currently living with me. She has been evicted twice for not paying rent, her credit is no good, and she can’t find anybody who will rent to her. She has three young children who are living with my son (her father) and his wife.

I am 83 years young and cannot have the children here. It’s bad enough that her dog is here. It also isn’t right that my son, who is 66 with several disabilities, is raising another family, but he and his wife don’t know how to resolve the situation.

It’s great for me to have my granddaughter here to help me with things I can no longer do, but this can’t go on. She has a good job, although it is not full time and the pay is low, but she could afford to rent a place with a roommate. What advice can you give us? – Can’t Handle Much More

A. How your son chooses to handle his daughter is up to him. Please don’t give him unsolicited advice. Since you can use your granddaughter’s help around the house, consider letting her save up some money while you encourage her to find full-time employment. Discuss taking in a roommate (or two) in a place of her own, although it would be difficult to find a setup that will also accommodate three young children.

We understand that you aren’t crazy about this situation, but your choice is to let her stay or throw her out. You cannot fix the root of her problem, which is earning enough money and handling it responsibly.

Q. I recall reading a poem in your column a few years back about “planting your own garden.” It was regarding what you learn from relationships, even those that end. Can you find it for me and print it again? – Internet reader

A. With pleasure. Here it is:

After a While

by Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t always mean security.

And you begin to learnthat kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure you really are strong you really do have worth and you learn and you learn with every goodbye, you learn …

Copyright 1971

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