Sep 8, 2014 4 min read

Q. I cannot stand to be around my mother-in-law. Since the day I married, “MIL” has been telling my wife and me how to live our lives. She issues opinions on everything from how to raise our dog and decorate our house to how to parent our baby. We can’t go one visit without her making numerous suggestions.

I have discussed this with my wife many times to no avail. I don’t feel it is my place to set her mother straight. I’ve told my wife that unless she speaks to her mom about her need to run our lives, nothing will ever change

How do I get my wife to understand that I don’t want to deal with this anymore? It stresses me out so much that I’m almost willing to end our marriage in order to get away from my mother-in-law. Please help. – Frustrated in North Carolina

A. Mom needs better boundaries, but unless your wife agrees, you aren’t going to get anywhere. Please don’t grant your mother-in-law so much importance. She has opinions. You don’t have to take them seriously. Practice nodding and ignoring her. When she comes over, welcome her warmly and then leave the room. It’s the type of diplomacy that married couples have practiced for centuries. Your wife will appreciate your graciousness, and you’ll calm down.

Q. I have a friend – well, now she’s an ex-friend – who would go to a restaurant and, no matter what she ordered, ask for extra this, extra that. If they provided rolls, she would eat one and ask for more. She would ask for a doggie bag and load it with everything on the table. It was embarrassing. I once asked whether she was going to take the salt and pepper shakers, hoping she would get the hint. If I had leftovers on my plate, she would ask to take them. Once, when I left the table, she had the waiter take the potato skin from my plate and box it up. That was the last straw.

Her excuse was that she couldn’t waste food, but honestly, her dog needs my potato skin? I refuse to be an enabler of this odd behavior, so I no longer go to restaurants with her. This woman never starved growing up. She has no money problems. She has a good job, owns her own home and has two cars.

Is this connected to hoarding? She also has never invited me into her house. Whenever I picked her up, she was waiting outside. She only has friends for a short while and then stops calling them, claiming they have mental problems. Why would she behave this way? – Odd Behavior

A. It’s possible your friend has a compulsive disorder that makes her take things from restaurants, and it could also tie in with her not wanting you to enter her home. It’s also possible she has financial problems or a gambling addiction or some other reason for needing table scraps. We don’t know. But we do think your friend has issues she doesn’t want other people to be aware of, and when someone gets too close, she cuts off the friendship.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Lonely Mother,” who said her children married and stopped visiting.

I married three years ago. I, too, didn’t visit my parents very often after that marriage. Here’s why: I was raised to believe it was rude to invite myself over. So I’d call to say hi, but was politely waiting for an invitation that didn’t come.

A year after my marriage, my mother commented that I rarely visit. I told her I was waiting to be invited. She was stunned. She never considered that possibility because I am her daughter and am welcome anytime. Once this was cleared up, I started visiting more. – Love My Mom

Email questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254