Sep 20, 2014 3 min read

Q. I am in a relationship with a man I met through an online dating site. I hadn’t known him long when he broke up with me. But shortly after our relationship ended, I found out I was pregnant. We didn’t talk much at the beginning of my pregnancy, but things improved by the end.

A month before our baby was due, he suggested we work things out together, and I agreed. One month after our daughter was born, I moved a short distance from my hometown to be with him, but he kept the baby and me a secret from everyone he knew, and it broke my heart.

I also found out he was having rather intimate conversations with other women and was still messaging people on dating sites during the time we were “working things out.” I confronted him, but he keeps making excuses. I’ve never gotten an apology.

Now when he tells me he loves me, I don’t know whether I believe him. Our sex life is pretty much nonexistent. Is this relationship all in my head, or are these subtle ways of showing me he really doesn’t care about me? – Heartbroken in Pennsylvania

A. Is he still having intimate conversations and messaging women on dating sites? Are you still a secret from his friends and family? If so, we don’t believe he loves you, either, and you are better off separated. However, if he is truly making an effort, has cut off contact with the old girlfriends and has introduced you to his family, please give him the opportunity to step up. This takes time, and you could benefit from couples counseling. But should your relationship not work out, his first priority should be his responsibility to his daughter.

Q. Has good taste gone out the window? I recently received an invitation to a baby shower. The invitation asks me to bring a gift, of course, but instead of a card, to also bring a book.

I have never met any of the people involved in this shower, including the parents of the new baby or the woman hosting the party. I barely know the woman who is the new grandmother, and that’s only because she lives in our subdivision. These blanket invitations went out to many women in the neighborhood. It is less an invitation to celebrate than it is a request for gifts from total strangers.

Please ask your readers to limit these gift-giving invitations to friends and family. After all, gifts are expressions of love and have no meaning if they are from total strangers. – Stunned in Texas

A. You are right that shower invitations should go only to friends and family. Anyone who wants to meet the neighbors can invite them to a backyard barbecue. But as with any invitation, you can decline. (We do, however, like the idea of giving books.)

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