Sep 27, 2014 3 min read

Q. When my daughter graduated high school, my husband and I agreed that she could live with us for free because she was paying college tuition.

“Norma” is now 21 and has her degree. She still refuses to pay any kind of rent, although she takes care of her car, phone and insurance. She does not help out around the house. She says she wants to save at least $5,000 before she moves out.

I am embarrassed to have people over because Norma’s bathroom also is our guest bathroom, and it’s disgusting. When I get sickened enough by it, I go in with a gallon of bleach. Norma also has a boyfriend she refuses to let us meet, even though they’ve been dating for months. We suspect she doesn’t want him to see what a slob she is, but she claims we are not respecting her choices and shouldn’t enforce any rules, because she is 21.

We raised her to be neat, kind and respectful. We don’t want her out on the streets. What do we do? – Ready To Empty Nest

A. Norma is an adult with a college degree. She also is taking advantage of her overly indulgent, kindhearted parents. You are doing this girl no favors by allowing her to be an irresponsible child. She will grow up only when forced to do so, and you certainly don’t want to have this same problem in five years. Tell Norma she has three months to find another place to live, and then help her pack.

Q. I have a 64-year-old friend whom I love dearly. I like to go to the movies once in a while, but she will only see kids films because she doesn’t want to “waste her money watching something unpleasant.” She will not watch the news, claiming it will ruin her day. The only thing she watches on TV are old movies.

She gets bent out of shape when I refuse to see some film meant for a kindergartner. I’ll accompany her periodically, but not every time. And not everything meant for an adult audience is unpleasant. I don’t want to hurt her feelings or attack her character, so how do I handle her? – Frustrated in Southern California

A. Some people prefer horror films, and others will go only to action movies. We think your friend escapes the real world through children’s films. There’s no reason for you to be upset by her choices or try to expand her repertoire. Simply accompany her when you want to and otherwise say, “I can’t make it this time. Maybe next time.” Accept her as she is, and go to the adult fare on your own or with someone more open-minded.

Dear Annie: Having been through the same embarrassing problem as “Too Old,” I finally listened to my urologist and tried a vacuum therapy system for my erectile dysfunction. The results solved the problem of impotence completely. It also could enable “Too Old” to satisfy the unfulfilled needs that produced his problem with Jane. – Been There

Email questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net