Jun 5, 2015 4 min read

Q. My daughter, “Chloe,” who is not quite 18, dated “Ted” for two years. Things started out fine. Even though neither her father nor I approved of the relationship, we never told Chloe. After two years, she admitted to me that Ted was emotionally abusive, calling her names, pointing out every flaw she had. She was never good enough. If she was happy, she was too happy. If she was sad, she was told not to cry. Chloe had a couple of panic attacks and lost more than 20 pounds. Meanwhile, almost everyone who knew Ted suspected he was gay but unwilling to admit it.

Near the end of the relationship, Chloe told me that Ted had been pinching her and lightly slapping her face. A friend who had been in an abusive relationship warned Chloe that these are the signs of an abuser “testing the waters to see what he can get away with.” I was beside myself with worry. I tried to get Chloe to talk to a therapist, but she refused.

Six weeks ago, Chloe finally decided to break things off. But last week, she told me she made a mistake and wants to take him back. I told her Ted is not welcome in our home because of how he has treated her. I cannot condone this relationship, and now Chloe lies to us in order to see him. Am I wrong to keep this man out of our house? – Beside Myself

A. No, but it would be counterproductive. Chloe understands that this relationship is not healthy, but she wants a boyfriend, and Ted has convinced her that he loves her. It’s not love. It’s control. But if you prohibit him from entering your home, Chloe will simply sneak around. That means you won’t know what’s going on. It allows Ted to isolate her from her family and prevent you from helping.

Please tell Chloe that you love her and want her to be safe. Let her bring Ted to your house so he knows you are keeping an eye on him. Be civil to him so she doesn’t spring to his defense. But also give her the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) at 1-800-799-SAFE, and tell her she can come to you no matter what.

Dear Annie: We are a married senior citizen couple who don’t understand why “No One To Share This With” is so upset that her husband watches pornography. Maybe he is just watching the wrong kind of pornography.

My wife and I often watch X-rated videos that we make ourselves. We start by jointly writing a script, and then we get into costume, set up a video camera on a tripod, and act out our roles until we are exhausted from great sex. Our hobby is a lot of fun. It spices up our married life and gives us our own homemade “pornographic” DVDs for our memories.

Maybe “No One” could solve her problem by sharing our kind of hobby with her husband. – Anonymous Happy Couple

Dear Happy: Somehow we think that wouldn’t appeal to her. A lot of spouses justifiably find pornography (of any kind) to be disrespectful, although that doesn’t really apply to filming yourselves, rather than watching someone else. We know that many couples role-play in the bedroom, and some of them record the results. As long as both spouses are in agreement and no one is hurt, we say it’s entirely their business.

Email questions to anniesmailbox@creators.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254