Mar 19, 2015 2 min read

Q. My dad was a proud veteran of WWII. When he died 20 years ago, he willed his medals to my brother “Jim” and the Bible he carried during the war to my brother “Ray.” Eventually, Ray gave the Bible to Jim. My mother also gave other army memorabilia to Jim, thinking it should all be together.

Jim recently informed me that when he dies, he’s passing on all of Dad’s things to “Margret,” his second wife. Margret met my father only once. Jim has no children, but the rest of us do. Several of my nieces and nephews have a keen interest in their ancestry and would love to own these war mementos.

I suggested to Jim that he consider passing on Dad’s things to the next generation, but was forcefully told they were going to Margret. I realize that these items belong to Jim now, and he can do what he wishes with them, but I’m extremely upset that such precious memorabilia will end up being lost to us forever. I can’t speak to Jim further about this. Margret was also shocked by Jim’s reaction, but he has forbidden her to talk to us about it.

None of us lives nearby, and we cannot see Jim in person. I haven’t shared this information with other family members yet and would hate to involve my mother, because it would upset her. I guess all I can do is hope that Margret will do the right thing and give these items to Dad’s grandchildren when Jim dies. Do you have any other suggestions? – The Oldest Sibling

A. Has Jim had a falling out with the family? Does he expect his nieces and nephews to contact him more often? Does he feel obligated or pressured to leave all of his belongings, including Dad’s things, to Margret?

We would first suggest that the nieces and nephews get to know their uncle a bit better. Jim may feel estranged from or neglected by his family. A warmer, closer relationship would benefit everyone. You also should stay friendly with Margret, because she may well be the final arbiter of your father’s things. We agree that it would be a shame for them to end up with strangers.