May 18, 2015 3 min read

Q. My daughter recently married for the first time. Her attendants were her three best friends. Their friendship goes back 20 years, and they still regularly get together for a girls’ night out.

My daughter attended all of their weddings. For each, she hosted a bridal luncheon. At her rehearsal dinner, my daughter presented them with necklaces and earrings, and her groom gave the groomsmen specially ordered gifts.

Can you imagine my shock to find out that none of these best friends gave the couple a wedding gift? Only the best man and one groomsman (the bride’s brother) came with gifts. There was nothing from the remaining groomsman, who brought a date. This man has known my daughter since childhood.

One of these friends recently made the comment that she has a year to give a gift. The same comment was made by the mother of the groom, who also showed up empty-handed.

What is wrong with these people? My daughter said it’s no big deal, but I know she is hurt. I cannot imagine attending any wedding without giving a gift to the bridal couple. Even a token present would have been nice. Please give these thoughtless people an etiquette lesson. – Appalled Mother of the Bride

A. Take a deep breath. We understand your frustration, but you are making unfair assumptions. It is not written in stone that gifts be brought to the wedding, although it is preferable to send one within three months. (Thank-you notes need to be written as soon as a gift is opened.) We also believe it is best if guests send their gift to the house, rather than bringing it to the wedding where it could be taken or lost or the card separated from the package.

Please don’t assume these people are ignoring an obligation to give your daughter and her new husband a wedding present. They deserve the benefit of the doubt, at least for a while longer. And under no circumstances should you be riling up your daughter about her guests’ generosity or lack thereof. These are her gifts and her guests, and she gets to handle the situation however she chooses.

Q. I met someone with whom I would like to be friends. However, she has a repulsive habit. She constantly sticks her thumb in her nose. How do I tell her to stop without being offensive? I otherwise enjoy her company a great deal. – HFAR

A. Your friend probably has no idea she is doing this and would be appalled to know that others are bothered by it. She most likely has some type of irritation that makes her reach to her nose frequently, and it may have become a habit.

The next time she puts her thumb there, and every time thereafter, you can ask very nicely whether she needs a tissue. If she says it itches (or anything similar), you can suggest she talk to her doctor or an ENT because you’ve noticed that it obviously bothers her frequently and could indicate something more serious. Don’t be snarky about it. Be sincerely concerned. At the very least, she will be more aware of what she is doing with her thumb.

Email questions to anniesmailbox@creators.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254