May 31, 2015 3 min read

Q. While traveling across town one afternoon, I got caught in traffic and decided to take a shortcut through a rather seedy part of our town. While stopped at a red light, I noticed my best friend’s husband entering a well-known gay bathhouse. He didn’t see me, but I also recognized his car and surfboard parked on the adjacent street. I texted my friend and casually asked what her husband might be doing, and she said, “He’s gone surfing for a couple of hours.”

I have suspected this man’s sexual orientation for years and have broached the subject with my friend in the past. But she seems to think it’s out of the question because they have two grown children.

Do I out him? It’s hard to keep my lips sealed. – My Best Friend’s Husband

A. Please don’t. You’ve already voiced your suspicions to your friend, and she has chosen to ignore them. We suspect she knows more than she is willing to admit, but she isn’t ready to deal with the consequences. And frankly, you don’t know what is going on in their home and how the two of them have chosen to maintain their marriage. Instead, talk to your friend’s husband. Tell him you saw him (and his surfboard) at the bathhouse, and say that if he is cheating, his wife needs to know so she can be tested for STDs and the two of them can get into counseling.

Q. My husband naps constantly. He cannot stay awake throughout an afternoon, no matter how much sleep he gets. He works hard and doesn’t sleep sufficiently most nights, so I can understand a nap here and there. However, he naps all the time, and it is affecting our marriage. It is our biggest bone of contention.

We have small children, and I feel he is sleeping away their younger years. As a result of his chronic sleepiness, he has no motivation to do much other than get to his job. What can be done? – Not Buying Narcolepsy

A. The number of hours of sleep one gets at night isn’t as important as the quality. Your husband may not be getting enough restorative sleep, and there could be myriad reasons, some quite serious. Insist that he see his physician for a complete checkup, and make sure he mentions his sleep issues. He also should get a referral to a sleep clinic.

Another reason for chronic napping, especially if the point is to withdraw from activities and family life, is depression. Ask your husband to consider this possibility and talk to his doctor about a referral to a therapist if his medical tests are otherwise OK. These problems don’t clear up on their own, so we hope your husband is willing to address his sleep issues with an open mind. You’ll both feel better.

Email questions to anniesmailbox@Acreators.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.