Nov 9, 2015 4 min read

Q. My wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for two. I still work full time, but my wife took early retirement last spring and now she spends weeks at a time visiting different members of her family.

When she is gone, she rarely answers her phone. I’ve noticed that when she’s away, I sleep and eat more, rarely socialize and don’t get things done that I should. I believe I’m depressed without her. Sometimes I pretend that I have no partner and don’t care that she’s away. I get through those weeks much better that way.

I believe it would be easier if she called me daily or at least answered my calls, so I don’t feel cut off and alone. She doesn’t understand this. She says phone calls interfere with her visits. Annie, wouldn’t any normal person understand calling her spouse to touch base once a day?

Is it right for couples to be apart so much? I really want this marriage to work, but it seems rather one-sided. – Lonely and Depressed in the Midwest.

A. Most couples check in once a day or at least every other day when they are apart. The fact that your wife doesn’t want to do this for weeks at a time worries us. We know some readers will question whether she is even visiting relatives or doing something altogether different, but we think your wife considers time away from you to be her vacation, and she is reluctant to be reminded otherwise.

When she next returns home, you can ask her about this. You can consider counseling together. But we also recommend that you stay active while she’s away. Find something to do that will keep your mind busy so you are less depressed and lonely. Take up a hobby. Work on a project around the house. Go to the gym – exercise is good for raising endorphins and making you feel better.

Q. I have three adult granddaughters, and I have been sending them $50 for each of their birthdays and at Christmas. They never thank me, but I know they have cashed the checks. I also send gifts for my great-grandchildren with no acknowledgement.

I am struggling with whether to continue this tradition. I never get a Christmas card or birthday card from them. Also, I had breast cancer and a double mastectomy a few years ago and they never ask how I’m doing.

I feel bad if I don’t send them a gift, but don’t you think this relationship should work both ways? – Disappointed in Them

A. Many grandchildren think gifts and cards only flow one way. You have to tell them. But all gifts should be acknowledged in some form, and if your grandchildren don’t do this, it’s time to stop. When they ask why they didn’t get a Christmas gift from Nana this year, simply say you never hear back from them, so you assume they don’t particularly like your presents. That should take care of it.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Frantic Mom,” who desperately wanted help for her middle-aged son who is addicted to drugs and in need of psychiatric help. She said her late husband was a veteran and asked whether she was eligible for benefits.

You recommend several organizations, including the VA. Please tell her to also check with her local VA hospital and the Disabled American Veterans. Both of these organizations have highly trained service officers to help veterans and their families obtain the benefits to which they are entitled. If she has trouble, an officer from any local Veterans of Foreign Wars post should be able to connect her to the right people.

I hope this helps. – Kathleen Blake, Past Erie County President, Ladies Auxiliary to the VFW

Dear Kathleen Blake: We appreciate the additional suggestion and hope that “Frantic Mom” will look into all avenues of assistance. We would also like to take this opportunity to send our veterans our best wishes on this Veterans Day. Thank you so much for your service.

Email questions to anniesmailbox@creators.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254