Sep 2, 2015 4 min read

Q. After 14 years of marriage, my husband, “Ron,” left me for another woman. Here’s how it happened: For several years, friends had dinner with us once a week. One day, they brought along “Fran,” a recently widowed woman they took under their wing. Ron initially told me he found her vulgar, overweight, unattractive and heavily tattooed. Fran talked nonstop about herself, bragging about her time in a biker club where she enjoyed “getting wasted on drugs and having random sex,” a lifestyle she wanted to get back into.

Within weeks, Ron changed his tune about Fran. He decided she was “cool,” and he, too, wanted a life that included drugs and random sex. He and Fran began to text and call each other daily, often right in front of me. Ron began to find fault with everything I said or did, and criticized me to others. He even assaulted me physically and then stopped speaking to me for months. Finally, he left and moved in with Fran.

Annie, I did everything for Ron. I helped support us with my full-time job while doing all the cooking and cleaning. Our sex life was great. I kept myself slim and attractive.

Nearly a year after Ron left, he begged me for forgiveness, and I agreed to let him come home provided he got into anger management counseling. I also told him if he ever assaulted me verbally or physically again, I would terminate the marriage. With counseling, Ron became a different man, loving and supportive, and very apologetic. But to this day, he has been unable to tell me what he found so provocative about Fran, a woman he now says he abhors.

Why would a man leave a loving relationship for one that is so destructive? If any of the men in your reading audience have done this, could they tell me why? And were they happy? – Waiting for Answers

A. We don’t believe Fran was the attraction. We think it was the promise of her lifestyle that he found fascinating, exciting and freeing. But it turned out to be something much less appealing in practice. We are glad Ron has become a better husband, and if our readers have more to say, we’ll be happy to print it.

Dear Annie: In general, I agree that a guest should not put a bride or groom “on the spot” by asking to bring a date. But I’d like to mention a time when it worked. My partner and his daughter had been estranged for many years. One of the best things to happen was when his daughter’s fiance, a wonderful man, facilitated a reconciliation. Part of the reconciliation was an invitation to their wedding.

After receiving the invitation, we had dinner with the fiance. We felt we had little choice but to confirm that, as the father’s partner, I was included in the invitation because my name was not on it. The fiance said yes. We’ll never know if that was simply his decision at the time, but had I not also been welcome, it would have undone all the work of reconciliation.

I attended with my partner, everyone was delightful, and a great, celebratory time was had by all. – A North Carolina Gay Partner

Dear N.C.: Your situation is not the same as someone asking to bring a “plus one.” Established partners should always be included in such invitations. Nor was your partner asking to bring you. He was only clarifying the situation, which is perfectly fine. That fiance sounds like a gem. We are so glad he helped reconcile father and daughter, and that you are both welcome members of the family.

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