Dear Annie: Self-absorbed friend too much to handle
Q. I need advice on how to sever a guy friendship that has become increasingly difficult. We first met on the golf course and played several rounds together. Both of us enjoyed playing and talking about the game of golf.
But it soon became apparent that he has very few friends because of his attention-seeking, self-absorbed personality. He calls me on a regular basis, sometimes to discuss golf on TV and sometimes to talk about his various health issues, real and imagined.
Now that he’s given up playing golf, we have very little in common. He spouts outrageous opinions on health topics, women, racial issues and politics. He is an unabashed bigot. He obviously needs mental-health counseling for low self-esteem issues. But that would be an impossibly hard sell. Is there any way that I could gently ease myself away from this well-intended but failed friendship? – Teed Off
A. Your empathy is commendable, but you can’t save this man from himself. The next time he asks you to do something together, simply say, “No, thanks.” It may feel strange at first, but you don’t owe him any more explanation than that. You are not responsible for his emotions.
Dear Annie: I’m a maternity nurse and university professor. My area of expertise is perinatal loss. I read the column regarding a friend’s response to a miscarriage. This is what I’d like to say to “Friend in Need:”
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Your friend’s response was most likely accentuated because she was pregnant and hearing of your experience made her feel vulnerable.
People often don’t know what to say, so they avoid the bereaved, which is painful. I’m not making excuses for her. Death happens, and we need to learn to say “I’m sorry” and not feel we need to fix it. Nothing but time will ease your pain.
Loss of a friend added to your losses. I hope that you find a new friend who is empathetic to you. Unfortunately, there are many of us women who are in this unwanted “club.” – A Nurse in the Know
Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.