Feb 1, 2016 3 min read

Q. I have epilepsy with very minor seizures that occur roughly once every three weeks. Because I am currently unemployed, I am forced to live at home with my parents as I search for another job.

Even though I am over 30, my mother wants me to stay at home unless I have a job interview or one of my parents is with me. She insists someone else drive me wherever I go. She is even fearful of me walking to appointments two blocks from the house.

A sad irony is that my mother has a Ph.D. in sociology and doesn’t hear me when I tell her that the social isolation that she insists on imposing makes me depressed. This is still the case even after I pointed out her highlighting that very issue in her own sociology textbooks. I have attempted to get my father to intervene, but he wants Mom to control the show.

I’ve tried to quietly put up with the idea of “Mom’s house – Mom’s rules.” But I don’t know how much longer I can stand it. Do you have any suggestions for dealing with the enormous stress I’m under because of her need to control my life? – A Frustrated South Dakotan

A. Your mother is being overprotective, but it comes from her fear that you will have a seizure and no one will be around to assist you. Her advanced degree is irrelevant because she is not thinking clinically. This is personal. She especially worries that something will happen when you are driving or walking alone. She knows it curtails your social life and could increase the odds of depression, but she considers those concerns to be less important than your safety.

Your best bet for finding assistance and support is through the Epilepsy Foundation (epilepsy.com). Aside from chat rooms and other social networking to help alleviate your isolation, the site may provide ways to reassure your mother and get her to lift the chains. We hope you find a job soon.

Dear Annie: For several years, I have been giving identical amounts of money to my family on Thanksgiving so that they could spend it on Black Friday to purchase their own Christmas gifts. I have 19 people to buy for. These same family members were asked to bring their purchases to me for wrapping so that they could open them on Christmas.

Last year, I asked instead that they wrap their own gifts and bring them to our annual Christmas Eve party. It worked out great. Obviously, there were no returns or exchanges, and for a change, I got a kick out of seeing them open their presents instead of knowing what the gifts were ahead of time. This is easier on everybody. (It also allowed my teenagers to see that money only goes so far because they knew what amount I had given each person.)

I have learned to enjoy the holidays again. – L.

Dear L.: You are both generous and smart enough to find enjoyment where you can.

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