Jun 24, 2016 3 min read

Q. After years of attending and giving gifts for weddings, showers, birthday parties and graduations, my 34-year-old daughter is getting married. But she is getting the shaft from my huge family.

I have five siblings, all of whom are married with kids. After a major family rift over politics three years ago, when my daughter expressed her opinions, she was disowned by the majority of my family. One of my brothers reprimanded her in front of everyone, saying it was his duty as the oldest uncle.

My daughter is a college graduate, has always worked hard and has a beautiful heart. She did not invite this uncle to her wedding, and barely was willing to invite her grandmother. I nearly had a stroke from the stress. I had to see a doctor because my blood pressure was so high.

I have been to therapy, but still have a hard time with all of this. I think I have driven my husband to drink. I cried for almost three years. I am a heartbroken mother, daughter, sister, sister-in-law and aunt. It hurts so badly. What can I do? – Love My Daughter

A. Your daughter is an adult. She made the choice to air her opinions in front of her extended family, knowing it would upset them. While your brother was completely wrong to reprimand her as if she were a child, there are consequences for one’s actions. It was your daughter’s decision not to invite certain family members to her wedding, and you cannot expect them to send a gift and celebrate an event from which they are excluded.

This is not your fight, Mom. Please don’t defend or explain your daughter, or feel obligated to maintain the estrangements she has created. Family problems are never easy, particularly when you are also in the midst of wedding plans, but we urge you to let your siblings and daughter handle this in their own way. You can try to smooth things over, but only if your daughter wants you to. Otherwise, stay out of it. And please talk to your doctor about your anxiety.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Joe in California,” who complained about his granddaughter using his house without permission. He mentioned that he had valuables in his home, and you suggested he put them in a “safety deposit box.”

Please inform your readers that the correct term is “safe deposit box,” as it is located in a bank’s safe. There is no such location as a “bank safety.” – Irritated in Texas

Dear Texas: Thanks for the correction. You are absolutely right that the correct phrase is “safe deposit box.” Most likely, the word “safety” was simply the original term heard incorrectly and then repeated. However, these days, even banks have been known to refer to them as “safety deposit boxes,” and we found a reference that the terms were interchangeable more than a century ago. But we’ll try harder to remember for next time.