Oct 26, 2016 2 min read

Q. The holidays are coming, and I’m feeling anxious already. Most of the events with my family will include buffets – which will also include criticism about what I eat, how much I eat and how much I weigh. I am 5 feet 3 inches tall, and I weigh 115 pounds. My husband’s family members, with the exception of him, are, by medical definition, morbidly obese.

I am careful about what I eat. I exercise and take care of myself. So do my husband and our children. I have never and would never comment on what his family members eat or their weight. Why is it acceptable for them to comment on me? I’ll hear, “You don’t eat enough.” “Is that all you’re taking?” “You’re too skinny.” All comments are said loud enough for all to hear and with a snide tone.

Do I continue to smile and be silent? Is there something I should say in return? This has been going on for 29 years. – Sad About the Holidays

A. If one of your in-laws had a genuine worry about your weight and health, there would be a time and a place to talk to you about it, and it definitely wouldn’t be at the family holiday buffet, after a few glasses of wine, in front of every cousin, niece and nephew. It sounds as if they’re speaking more from a place of insecurity than concern.

That said, I doubt they have any idea that their comments are rude. Because thinness is idealized in our society, many people mistakenly think it’s OK to pick on a person for being skinny, even if they would never pick on someone for being heavy.

Talk to your husband about how these comments bother you. Perhaps he can persuade them to cut it out. And if they continue with their remarks anyway, try not to let it eat at you. What matters is that you’re healthy, and that’s something only you and your doctor can determine.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearanniecreators.com.