Cookies ’N Crafts
Packing memory boxes to donate to local hospitals for bereaved parents are, from left, Pamela Shaw, Lauren McLean, Melissa Ibella and Marianne Schafer.
Hand-stitched blankets are among the items members of The Still Remembered Project donate to area hospitals for bereaved parents.
Emerson McLean was born to first-time parents Lauren and Jason on March 13, 2010. Diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder that affected his kidneys, Emerson lived just a few hours.
“I did receive great care for his birth and his death,” Lauren McLean said. “But when I left the hospital, obviously, you are completely numb and sad and overwhelmed by all of these emotions. I felt alone.”
A few weeks later, McLean received a box from West Penn Hospital, where she gave birth. A crocheted blanket and a plaster casting of Emerson’s feet were wrapped inside the mailed package.
“That was so precious to me,” McLean said. “I cannot even express what that means … to be able to touch them and feel them.”
Drawing from their experiences of loss, McLean and the board of The Still Remembered Project provide bereaved parents and families with support for miscarriage, stillbirth and early infant death.
The group will hold its first major event, Cookies ‘N Crafts, from 1 to 3 p.m. Saturday at the Anglican Parish of Christ the Redeemer, 120 E. College St., Canonsburg, to call attention to Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month in October.
Outreach includes a monthly peer support group for bereaved mothers to connect and distribution of memory boxes to local hospitals. The boxes contain a hand-painted picture frame, seashell ornament, bracelet set, hair-cutting kit, journal, teddy bear and snowflake ornaments.
“We present it as a gift to the mother with a letter explaining how to use it,” said Melissa Ibella, treasurer of the board. “The box is a little big to encourage the mother to use the box to collect her own items.”
Ibella, a 1999 graduate of Burgettstown High School, was pregnant with her first child – a boy – when she found out at 39 weeks’ gestation that his heart stopped beating. She said making and delivering crafts was a welcome distraction in the months after losing Cameron. The keepsakes she has kept help provide solace and comfort.
In addition to encouraging parents to connect with others, a large part of The Still Remembered Project’s mission is educating health care workers who deal with grieving families.
“We’ve really tried to help educate nurses, doctors, nurses and social workers to help figure out ways to provide resources and information on what to do and what not to do,” McLean said.
Ibella said the health care community is making great strides in addressing the specific needs of grieving families. She relayed the story of a woman who gave birth to a stillborn 30 years ago and wasn’t permitted to see or hold her baby. Now, she said, there is a movement to keep experienced nurses with grieving parents.
“It’s not perfect, but their hearts are in it. They recognize who excels at dealing with this and those who don’t,” Ibella said. “When I delivered, I had the same nurse with me the entire time. I didn’t realize until later that was on purpose.”
The nonprofit is reaching out to funeral homes to offer remembrance materials and developing ideas for affected siblings and parents who have experienced a miscarriage.
“It’s taboo still to talk about miscarriage, stillbirth or early infant death,” McLean said. “There are no guidelines. Everybody grieves differently. A lot of times, parents were expecting a healthy child, not thinking about funeral plans.”
She urged families to take advantage of the many remembrance events throughout the region.
“We’re planning future events and encouraging people to include their living children,” McLean said. “Participating is an important part of the grieving process.”