Jul 5, 2017 4 min read

Q. Shortly, I will shower and prepare to spend the day with my ex-boyfriend. “Pat” is 60, and I am 67. He started drinking when he was 14 and has always been a drinker, but it didn’t interfere too much with our lives until last spring, when he started drinking heavily and stayed drunk for weeks.

It was about a month into his bender when I invited my grown daughter “Elizabeth” to stay while her apartment was being fumigated. That night, Pat went downstairs to the sofa and attempted to sexually assault her. She left screaming. I was in shock. An hour later, my other daughter, “Samantha,” called and told me to leave and get to her house, that I should not stay with Pat.

By the time I got to Samantha’s house, the police were there to interview Elizabeth. She had called them. (I did not have any say in this, but I was OK with it.) They arrested Pat that night.

The next morning, Pat called to ask me to bail him out. I said no. I started moving my stuff out, and I moved in with my daughter.

Now comes the hard part. He wants me to be his support while he recovers from all his years of drinking. He does not have any friends. I don’t have any friends anymore, either.

My girls have told me not to see him or talk to him. They have made very clear that if I do, I won’t be part of this family. But I feel so bad for him. Is there a way to open dialogue with my daughters so I can do this? I will not return to him as his girlfriend. I will not move back to that house or spend a night there. I am seeing a counselor, and so is he. Should I try, or should I walk away for good? – “Margaret”

A. If you’ve written to me looking for the answer your counselor won’t give you, I’ll have to disappoint you. You must run, not walk, away from this man and into the arms of your loving daughters. It sounds as if those two can offer the clearheaded perspective you so badly need right now. Do not alienate them by spending more time with the man who attempted to assault Elizabeth. What he did is unforgivable.

Your desire to rescue him, your belief that you’re responsible for his happiness – these are classic traits of people who live with alcoholics. Please seriously consider attending an Al-Anon meeting. You can find one in your area by visiting http://www.al-anon.org.

Dear Annie: I’m 81 years old and still fairly active. I’m in fine enough health.

My problem is that I wake up at night and worry about what to do with all the stuff in my large house. My daughter used to help me, but she is busy with her own life. I need to talk with a senior counselor who can help me work out a plan and direct me to resources that can help me dispose of my items. Any advice you could give me would be greatly appreciated.

By the way, I think many seniors are struggling with different issues that aren’t dire but cause sleepless nights. It would be a great service to encourage seniors to send questions that are about their lives, because there are more and more people who are moving into the senior years and don’t know what to do. – Tossing and Turning

Dear Tossing and Turning: The National Association of Senior Move Managers helps seniors downsize their possessions, whether they’re actually moving to a new location or they’re staying at home. Contact the NASMM at 877-606-2766.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.