Avoiding a grueling yule
Mental health professionals weigh in on identifying, coping with holiday stress
While many focus on the festive fa-la-la-ing of the holiday season, underneath the smiles and seasons greetings likely lurks some stress.
“Definitely financial stressors occur as well as emotional stressors, and those are for obvious reasons,” said Rebecca Manches, a licensed professional counselor with Life Solutions Professional Counseling Center in Hopwood, Fayette County.
Family frustrations
Melissa Helfer, a licensed professional counselor with Cristina Panaccione and Associates Counseling LLC in McMurray, said family dynamics are a dominant stressor during the holidays, especially in families where there is trauma, addiction or conflict.
Stephanie Brown, a licensed clinical social worker and clinical supervisor at the Canonsburg office of the Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh, said they usually see people with a lot of family conflict.
“There are certain boundaries pushed or held to, or there may be different relatives that passed away, so those are triggers as well,” Brown said, adding that echoes of the pandemic still remain with many people and can manifest in different ways. “Unfortunately, people lost family members to COVID-19 and people can still be uncomfortable being with that.”
Those who are still concerned about contracting the coronavirus should be up front about that, and forgo attending or holding gatherings to meet their comfort level, said Angela Vaslavsky, a supervisor and licensed professional counselor with Connellsville Counseling Services in Fayette County.
“Try to see both ends of the spectrum and just communicate what’s going on. Ask, ‘Is it okay for me to come over?’ so you’re not running around in your own head,” Vaslavsky suggested.
No matter the point of family tension, Helfer said, the first thing to do is identify the stressors and the triggers that cause them.
“It could be something somebody says, a certain place, environment, a person, certain language — know those, and figure out how you want to cope with it,” Helfer said.
Financial frets
The pressure to give gifts combined with inflation can make for not only a rough holiday season, but impact a person’s 2024 financial outlook.
“People feel the need to spend more and don’t have the funds,” said Julie Krizner, executive director of Axiom Family Counseling in Uniontown.
Parents, in particular, may feel the need to fulfill a child’s wish list – which as any mother or father can attest, can come with a monetary gut punch. Vaslavsky suggested making a realistic budget and sticking with it, which may include foregoing some people who were regulars on your gifting list.
To avoid awkwardness, “contact them and communicate,” Vaslavsky said.
That could include offering alternatives like lowering the amount spent, making a gift from the heart, or nixing gifting in favor of spending time together.
“No matter what you spend and what’s under the tree, remember that someone was thought of,” Manchas said.
Other shopping stressors
For some, going to the store to shop for gifts in person brings a whole host of other stressors.
Some still remain concerned about catching COVID-19, worry about not snagging the perfect gift, or feel overwhelmed by the crowds.
Those who feel anxiety while shopping during the time when stores are at their busiest need to walk in both knowing and accepting that there will be long lines and waiting, and that the stores will be packed, Manchas said.
“As long as you prepare yourself for those situations, you’ll be better able to deal with them,” she said.
If the environment — in the stores or anywhere — becomes too overwhelming, Manches suggested walking away, and heading outside for a literal breath of fresh air.
“A lot of times, that’s all you need,” she said. “Be mindful of yourself and what your body is telling you.”
Welcome restrictions
While there are many ways to cope with difficult times during the holidays – deep breathing, venting to a friend, listening to music – it’s important to know your limits.
“Set boundaries to go somewhere for a certain amount of time and really look at the choices you have. That way, you’re not sitting with it,” Helfer suggested.
Brown said a person should be firm on their boundaries, feeling confident of what their needs are and how they can be met.
“It’s sitting down and being realistic with yourself with what your limits are and not feeling obligations and pressures both financially and emotionally,” Brown said.
Another way to cope? Learning to say “yes” to “no.”
“People try to have a romantic vision of the holiday,” Krizner said, suggesting they level their expectations and opt out of overwhelming tasks or gatherings.
“You don’t have to go everywhere and do everything,” she said.
Krizner added that people also need to be mindful to maintain healthy habits like drinking plenty of water and getting sleep as the holidays also tend to bring an increase with alcohol consumption thanks to an increase in parties.
“Practice self-care, take breaks, plan ahead so you will not feel so bogged down,” Vaslavsky said.
“My advice is to just be patient,” Manches said. “Whenever getting frustrated or feeling anxious or irritated by a situation, having those feelings and emotions does not change the situation for you.”
Seeking help
While the experts say many can navigate holiday stressors on their own, there are times that seeking professional help is the best course of action.
Those who find themselves feeling overwhelmed, in despair or perpetually agitated, or those who develop disruptive sleeping or eating patterns related to stress should reach out to a mental health provider.
Vaslavsky said there are many resources that people may not know about, including calling 988, a crisis line that is available to anyone at any time.
“There are so many professionals out there willing to help out,” Manches said. “All you need to do is make a phone call.”