My solution? Vote for me!
These are interesting and turbulent times for the future of America. The civility to which we are accustomed in our election process has evaporated and “angry” is the new watchword. This is causing consternation in Republican circles and may result in a brokered convention later this year. That can be a messy situation. However, now that former New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg has chosen not to run as an independent candidate, I have a possible solution.
With the humblest of intentions, I offer myself as a compromise candidate for president. First, I must admit to having normal hands, being a poorly-educated agnostic, and a vegan lover of Brussels sprouts.
My platform is simple. We will build a wall around Utah and get that loser Mitt Romney to pay for it. Then, I will choose Rush Limbaugh as my running mate. I remember when he was fired from radio in Pittsburgh, and we need someone who understands unemployment.
I pledge to make disgraced financier Bernie Madoff the secretary of the treasury because he really understands Wall Street and can run a Ponzi scheme much better than the one we have, and do it from prison.
Finally I will nominate Kanye West, whoever he is, to the Supreme Court. I’m told he’s a genius and that’s what this country needs.
Together, we will make sure the rich get richer and the college-educated are put in their place. Just kidding. I love the well-educated. God bless America!
Bob Willison
Rices Landing