I stole the yard signs
There have been some letters in this space recently complaining about political yard signs being stolen. The mystery of what happened to them can be laid to rest.
I stole them.
I ripped them out by their tiny, spindly roots. I was the very definition of the word indifferent when it came to deciding which candidate’s sign to uproot. A Donald Trump sign? Get it! Hillary Clinton? Take that, oh Crooked One!
Admittedly, the Trump signs were more work, merely because there were more of them. A lot more! Think of all the little starving children in India who could have been fed a hot bowl of gruel for 2 cents a day with all the money spent (wasted!) on these Trump signs.
In my defense, I will state that I never touched a sign for a candidate for attorney general. No one knows who’s running for that office anyway, so it would have been similar to ripping out the yard signs placed by a guy who does asphalt sealing.
I also did not touch any signs for U.S. Senate candidates. Pat Toomey and Katie McGinty are so equally despised by everyone, the contest will need to be settled by a duel at 20 paces. They will both miss, and we will be back where we started.
No, my goal was to steal every Trump and Clinton sign I could do so without detection. And what happened to them?
If you wake up one morning and there is a Clinton sign where once stood a Trump sign, you can thank me. Or be the very definition of the word enraged.
John Manning
Canonsburg