Oct 6, 2019 2 min read

The many benefits of legalizing pot

I fully support Gov. Tom Wolf’s proposal to legalize the recreational use of marijuana. There will be many benefits that arise from this.

First will be the substantial increase in state revenue and the pleasure of watching the hilarious antics of our legislators as they compete for a piece of the new pie. You will see that these paragons of virtue care nothing about the source of the revenue, only the reality of its existence. There will be other benefits as well, including:

1) Speeding on roadways will become a thing of the past, as paranoid motorists creep along to avoid being stopped by the police. Ironically, the petroleum industry will have nothing to worry about since gasoline consumption will actually increase. Although motorists will no longer be speeding to their destination, the fact that they can’t remember where that destination is located will greatly increase the time spent on the road.

2) The life expectancy of existing municipal solid waste landfills will increase. Wasted food is currently a major component of municipal solid waste. This fact will cease to be, as waste food of any sort becomes a thing of the past. Also, culinary complements will undergo a departure from tradition, as sandwiches such as “peanut butter and sardines” become as common as “ham and cheese”.

3) The protection afforded to citizens under the Fifth Amendment will be expanded to include, “I respectfully refuse to answer because I can’t remember.”

4) The television programming gurus will replace Lawrence Welk with Jimmy Page.

5) The NFL will become much more entertaining. On one hand, the players will be able to utilize a much safer pain relief option. More enjoyable, however, will be watching the chaos on the field, as the playbook becomes completely irrelevant.

In conclusion, I heartily support the legalization of recreational marijuana use. Instead of a chicken in every pot, let’s have pot in every chicken!

Martin Niverth

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