Oct 9, 2013 3 min read

And now, ladies and gentlemen, after the demotion of Pluto to the status of nonplanet, comes a list of seven new wonders of the world. The wonder of it is what was wrong with the old seven wonders of the world? And what was it Pluto did to be demoted out of the universe?

I’ve got no quarrel with list-makers – everybody has to have something to do. David Letterman’s nightly Top Ten lists are audience favorites, even when they’re not particularly funny, and political pollsters who arrange and rearrange their lists of possible front-runners earn a nice buck doing so. And we print them. Free.

The ancient wonders of the world included the Great Pyramids, Hanging Gardens of Babylon, Temple of Artemis, Statue of Zeus, Colossus of Rhodes and the Lighthouse of Alexander, none of which were ever seen by the list-makers. I told you they were ancient, and, no, that doesn’t apply to the people who came up with the list.

Then there are the seven natural wonders of the world, including the Grand Canyon, the Harbor of Rio de Janeiro, Mount Everest, the Polar Aurora, Paricutin Volcano and Victoria Falls.

Not to be outdone by nature, man built his own wonders, four of which we’ve received picture evidence in our continuing Take Us Along series. They are the Chunnel (beneath the English Channel), CN Tower in Toronto, Empire State Building, Golden Gate Bridge, Itaipu Dam (between Brazil and Paraguay), Netherlands’ Delta Works and the Panama Canal. Makes you kind of want to pack your bags, doesn’t it?

Now comes the new seven wonders list, as compiled from about 100 million votes cast on the Internet or by cell phone and announced last Saturday. The Great Wall of China is there, as are the Roman Colosseum; the Taj Mahal; the Treasury in Petra, Jordan; Machu Picchu in Peru; Christ the Redeemer statue in Brazil; and Mexico’s Chichen Itza pyramid.

A guy like me remembers when the Houston Astrodome was the eighth wonder of the modern world. To get on the list, it displaced Morganna Roberts, the super-bosomy bottle blonde – 44-23-37 – who used to run onto major league fields and kiss players who feigned embarrassment.

For my money, though, I’d have voted for Dolly Parton instead of Morganna. Also, I’d have never put the Astrodome on the list to start with because, frankly, it was the Civic Arena, only bigger, and without ice. Both buildings leaked.

Making lists is entirely subjective and tremendously flawed, I can tell you that, because nobody’s grandchildren are on it, including my own, Blake Page, 3. He lives in North Carolina.

Don’t take my word for it; ask any grandparent. Grandchildren are a natural wonder. We wonder how we ever got along without them.